OH MY GOSH!!

Oh wow, I got my work schedule through June 5, and I work every day except this Sunday and Monday. I was so excited to see that I worked so so much. I mean think of all the money I'm going to be making! I can't wait, my job is going to be great. YAY! Today we had like a training session thing and it was kind of awkward because there were only three of us in there and I'm the only white person that was there, not that that is bad, because both of the other people I work with are really nice. But I think Darren has issues with it. Darren is our assitant director and he is pretty much in charge of everything. Well anyway, the three of us, Darren, and Darwin were all sitting in the office at Haithco, and Darren was telling us about everything, and it seemed like he was only making eye contact with me. After a while it got really intense, and I'm not one to look away from someone when they are trying to make eye contact, I just look right back at them, not this time. I had to keep looking away, like it was almost making me uncomfortable. I would look out the window, look down at my feet, pretend to have something on my shirt, pick at the skin on my fingers, and everytime I would look back up, he would be looking at me again. Then I just found it funny. I had to try so hard to suppress a smile. He is pretty freaking cute, and I think that has something to do with the fact that I have a hard time keeping eye contact. Not to mention he has the most amazing blue eyes. They are the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen in my life. I think if he and I are ever alone, well not alone but don't have other employees around, I'm going to ask him if he wears contacts...haha, I'm such a loser! But I really want to know if he has real blue eyes or if they are fake! But anyway, after work I went to the church for youth group. That cool. I missed praise and worship which bums me out but thats ok. Steven from cell group gave the message tonight and it was a pretty good one. But anyway, Andrew plays in the youth praise and worship team, and he sings too, and not that it surprises me but he has a really good voice! SO that was cool, then on the way out the door I got attacked by the young'ns. They were throwing ink pens at me, which isn't very pleasant! Then Andrew burped hot dog breath on me....yuck! Oh the love, feel the LOVE!!! But anywho, enough of my crazy ramblings of the day. OH and in case anyone cares, IM ON SUMMER VACATION, MY DAD NEEDS TO REALIZE I DON'T NEED TO BE UP AT 9:00 EVERY MORNING....LET ME SLEEP IN!!!!!! on that note, Until next time...Over and Out!

LONG Weekend!!

I just found out today that I am going to have a super long weekend! YAY for long weekends! Haha, well not really a long weekend because well I have to work for Saginaw County but you get the gist of it all. I have tomorrow off, don't work here on Thursday or Friday and I have Monday off as well! Hahaha, so that means I won't have to be back to Lansing until Tuesday! Thank God for that! I am definitely getting sick of driving back and forth to Lansing, its starting to wear on me. Plus I had to walk a mile this morning in the rain just to get from my car to work, and they are doing all kinds of construction around our building so I had to take a bunch of detours. It was sucky! I wonder if Darren is going to be at our meeting tomorrow at Haithco? Hopefully, I think I'm going to like him better than Darwin, but I won't get be working with him as much I don't think. We'll see. Darwin tries to hard to be cool and funny but then when he's in charge he gets all pissy and stuff. It's kind of annoying. We'll see how things go. I might work with Terry a little bit though, he seems like a good guy. He's one of the park rangers, but I'm not sure which park he got assigned to yet! So we will definitely see how that goes. I don't think I would mind working with him. He and Darren are the only two semi-decent looking guys that work there. So we'll see how that goes. I think I was right in what I said last night, I think I've really made Wes mad. He hasn't said anything to me since yesterday afternoon when we were text-messaging each other. Who knows. Or maybe he is just taking what I said as I don't want to talk to him. Who really knows with him, it's hard to say! I talked to Andew a little bit about it last night, because he really doesn't have any connection to the situation and hes a guy, so I thought he might have some kind of insight to it. He said a few things that made some sense. One of which I know is true, but don't really want to admit. So I think I might call Wes later just to see what's going on and to make sure he isn't mad at me. I think that's the worsrt part of this whole thing is thinking that he might be mad at me, I don't really care that he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend so much anymore but I hate when people are mad at me. I think I might go to His House tonight since I don't have to work tomorrow and there is really no point in staying at my grandparents tonight. So yeah, I'm gonna go! YAY! It will be the first time since like last summer I think! I'm excited! Anyway, I'm outtie! Until next time..Over and out! Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to guard my heart. Well, I hardly feel anything at all. I've spent my whole life buildin' up this ivory tower. Now that I'm in it, I keep wishin' it would fall. So I can feel the ground beneath me, really taste this air I'm breathin', And know that I'm alive. I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,An' shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'. Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin', Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'. Fly like a bird, roll like a stone, Love like I ain't afraid to be alone. Take everything that this world has to give: I wanna live. ~I Wanna Live~ Josh Gracin

Oh What A Day!

Today was a weird day. I was supposed to be up by 7 this morning so that I could get into Saginaw to get my TB test done, and then head to Delta early enough so that I could still get to Lansing at a decent hour to get some work done. Well needless to say that didn't happen! I had set my alarm for 7 and when it went off, I got up and unplugged it. Don't ask me why I did that...I have no clue, but I did. After I unplugged it, I went back to sleep....well my mom came in and woke me up at 9, already an hour behind my original plan. Anyway I got up and around and headed into Saginaw. I didn't get a very good nights sleep because I didn't go to bed until like 12:30-1:00 and then at 3:30ish I got a text message saying that Wes had recieved the one I sent him. Then at like 4:45 I got another message from Wes, asking me about the one I had sent him the night before. So that woke me up and then I layed there thinking about what I had done and couldn't get back to sleep. Anyway, I got to Saginaw to get my TB test done and the lady who did it decided to not go far enough under the skin and the stupid thing bled for like 20 minutes when finally I had to put a band-aid on it. Thankfully I had some in my purse. Then I got out to Delta got my testing done and the lady told me I was going to have to wait until July 1st to do my orientation when the lady I talked to on the phone said I could do it the same day. I was so so angry, but by this time I was so tired of going out to Delta and dealing with the people, I just said forget it and left. WEll it was like 11:45 when I got done so I called Beth and went to hang out with her at the Church for a while. I stopped and got us some lunch and then I hung out with her until like 2. I text messaged Wes a couple of times, and now I think I've made him kind of mad, he hasn't replied to like the last 3 of my messages and I don't think he has any intention of doing so. I think I should have just kept my mouth shut on the whole subject. I couldn't do it though. I wanted to get as much information out of him as I could but that process didn't work very well either! So needless to say I'm farther behind than I was this morning. I'm so stupid some times. That's ok, God is going to get rid of all of my confusion and help to see what is best for me. That is what I need right now in my life and that's all I'm looking for, what's best for me! I'm not sure why, But I love wes, I do. It's not one of those situations where I think I like someone, I know I like him, and I like him a lot! All of his faults and everything, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't even feel remotely close to the same as I do. I guess there is something about me that is so repulsive he can't like me that way. He can't act like he does, but for some strange reason he only wants to be friends but act like more. I mean isn't it strange for a guy who doesnt like someone to encourgae their liking them? I think so, most guys just aren't like that! If they don't want you to like them, they let you know. Wes just encourages it! It's beyond me. God will let me know what is right, and thats all I can hope for! I think thats about all for now...Until next time...Over and Out! See it's burning me to hold onto this I know this is something I gotta do but that don't mean I want to. What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just I feel like this is coming to an end. And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you, I gotta let it burn. Really wanna work this out but I don't think ya gonna change ya I do but you don't think it's best we go our separate ways. Tell me why I should stay in this relationship when I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby. Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with. ~Burn~ Usher

GOD Is Amazing!

Sorry I've been a little MIA, I've had a hard couple of weeks. Things haven't been going as smoothly as I had hoped they would when I decided to actually work both of these summer jobs at the same time. NOt to mention I was thrown an extremely LARGE curve ball, which throws the whole pictre out of whack even more. I have some major major decisions to make in the next couple of months. But I have faith that GOd will give me the strength and courage to make it through this summer with my head held high, and I will be very successful in the end. This summer is going to teach me a lot about myself. It's also going to teach me discipline and hard work. Both of which I need. My life right now is not how I have ever imagined it would be. Which in reality isn't all that bad. I don't really mind at all. I actually enjoy it, it's like the saying goes, "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!" I think its great how God brings such wonderful people into your life. Tonight at cell group, I realized that God has definitely placed some AWESOME people in my life. People that I can turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on or am in serious of someone elses prayer! People I can learn a lot from, whether it be life in general or in my spiritual life! I am very blessed, and I never really saw it until tonight. Anyway, moving on to another subject. I got to hang out with Jessica last night! We had a good time. I'm glad we followed through with our plans to hang out! We went to Bay City and watched Wes's Derby. I had fun I'm sure she did too. We got a chance to have some serious heart to heart talks about boys (which is a whole nother story) and we stayed out until like 2! Well we ended up going a friend of Wes's for a bonfire in which thing started to revert back to last summers ways. I didn't initiate any of it though. Then I talked to Matt who's house we were at and he brought some enlightenment to the whole situation. So we'll see where things go. From what I gathered from Matt, they won't be going anywhere and this by my doings, what Wes thinks has nothing to do with it. Well it does, but not his feelings on our relationship or lack there of. Does that make sense? I hope so. I deserve someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them, and who isn't going to act one way and then tell his friends something else. I deserve much better than this. I'm not saying WEs because he is a good guy, and I dont want to talk bad about him but I deserve better than how he makes me feel. Does that make any sense either? I don't know. HAHAHA. I've decided that everyone around me has good things happening to them, maybe its my time for good things! Don't you think? I DO! If you guys who read this are praying people, say a prayer that everything goes well tomorrow! I could really use it! I think thats all for now. Until next time...Over and Out! How far do I have to go to make you understand I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are. So I'm gonna walk away And it's up to you to say how far. There's a chance I could change my mind, But I won't, not till you decide what you want, what you need. Do you even care if I stay or leave? Oh, what's it gonna be? ~How Far~ Martina McBride

Work..work..work

Sitting here at work, doing nothing, as usual! We're supposed to be having a fire drill, and it's not going off. So the only thing I've been doing today is making phone calls and since I can't do that in case the fire drill goes off, I decided I was use the extra few minutes to update my little journal. I have one day of work left this week and then I'm going to Indiana with Beth and the Rice's for a wedding. I need to get home and get some laundry done so that I can get that taken care of. I need to start thinking about what I'm going to take. My grandma and I are going on a diet together. I started today, and so far it isn't bad. My only problem is that I'm not going to be able to drink pop, unless it is diet. Which is going to suck big time. Looks like Diet 7-up or something here I come!! We'll see how this whole diet thing goes. So far so good. I need to start exercising too, so if anyone wants to start running, biking, or even rollerblading with me, LET ME KNOW!!! I would love to have the company! I had the weirdest dream about Lou last night, it was crazy. But enjoyable at the same time. WEIRD! Sometimes I have some crazy dreams. Sometimes I wish that dreams were a preview to the future! That would be great! We were talking today about how one of the career fairs is on my birthday next year and how I am going to be itching to get out of there so that I can go out and get wasted! Then they were like alright well we won't be expecting you to be in on Friday for the interviews. I said well I could come in if you'd like but chances of me being pleasant are going to be high because 1) I'll have one hell of a hangover or 2) I'll still be drunk. They laughed and said that it would be funny. So we'll see...it's over a year away! I had to go get a parking permit to park on campus for the summer, and I went to take my papers over there this morning thinking I would have a parking permit, NO...I have to wait 3-5 days. BOO..so it will probably be Monday before I have a legal parking permit which isn't too bad. Let's just pray that I don't get a parking ticket today or tomorrow for parking illegally. I hadn't gotten one at 11:30 when I went out there, so we'll see! That was like 4 hours ago. EEEK..grades came back. Not to pretty. I am going to get 4.0's in both of mysummer classes so that it will bring my GPA up. That is my goal, and I AM GOING TO ACHIEVE IT!!! I only have three goals for the entire summer, 1) to get 4.0's in both summer classes, 2) lose 30-35 pounds and have a Britney like body!, and 3) be happy and have fun!!! Wish me luck, it starts today! Well I've written enough and the fire drill has gone off yet. So I'm out. Until next time...Over and out!

Whats with the new set up?

Wow, they've spiffed this thing up a littl bit. I think I like it! It's been a few days since I've updated. Nothing much has happened. I got home and tried to get settled in. It hasn't been going to well, the room I get already has too much junk in it, and all of mine on top of it doesn't help much. Saturday BJ, Beth, and I went to kokomo's to go put-put golfing, it was a good time! I WON!!! Then Sunday morning we made my mom breakfast for mothers day! That was cool, then I went to Church and then had to speed to get to St. Johns to get to dinner with the fam for mothers day. Meanwhile, I didn't have very much gas, and my car was sucking the fumes off of the bottom of the tank. So I had to get gas...I only got 3/4 of a tank for $20, and I only have a 15.2 gallon tank! RIP OFF!!! But anyway, right now I'm at work, my crazy hectic summer has begun. I am scared! Haha, surprisingly I got right up at 8 this morning, well actually I got up at 7:30 and then proceeded to get up every 10 minutes for a half hour. Not to mention when I got to work I had to drive around half of East Lansing trying to find a stupid parking spot. Then all morning I was afraid of getting towed because I wasn't sure if I could park where I was. So then at lunch I went and got it and drove over to the DPPS building and got a paper to have signed so that I can get a permit to park on campus. GRRR....but then I came back and parked in the lot next to my building and I can almost imagine that I'm going to have a ticket when I go out there...and I'm gonna be pissed@!!! Oh well..at this point I don't really care! We'll see what happens though! I got one of my grades back. Got a 2.5 in IAH, which I was hoping for! YAY for me! Could have done better if I would have actally gone to class! But what ya gonna do??? I think I'm gonna head out in a little bit, I can't wait until I start getting my checks for working this summer..its going to be great, working 21 hours a week...going to be a decent pay check! YAY!!! But I think thats all for now! Until next time..Over and out!

Life is crazy here now. It's finally the end of the year, so I won't be updating as often as I'd like. So if you read this, you're just going to have to deal with the fact that I'm not going to have a lot of extra time to update. Ill try to do it at least twice a week, but I'm not guaranteeing anything. I'm using Jessica's computer right now because ashley went home a little bit ago and left me computerless! So yeah I need to take a shower and then pack some more stuff and then go take my last exam! Things are going great! I can't wait to get home!!!!

BUD LIGHT: You're laid back and low maintenance - a
people-person, who wants everyone else to be
having as much fun as you are. You make
friends and jokes easily, and though you're
definitely a smart ass, you're good-natured.
Every man's beer for everyone's friend.


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OH MY GOSH I ALMOST FORGOT!!!! HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY WES!!!!!

What a freakin' weekend! Sometimes everyone needs a weekend like that! WE didn't really do anything but in the same breath I think its the most I've laughed in a long time! Between Jessica coming back from home and being pissed off, then us drinking so she didn't fall asleep to Bryce and Lou coming down and getting drunk too. I have never seen anyone as hilarious as Lou gets when he drinks. That boy is hilarious! Boy oh boy, as anxious as I am to get out of here for the summer, I am going to miss everyone because next year, things will be completely different! I'm going to enjoy it though, and everyone is invited over to the apartment! You just have to bring us food when you come! Last night I had one of the greatest conversations of my life so far! Bryce and Lou were explaining to me the reasons why guys get a little nervous when it comes to sex. Especially those with no experience! I learned quite a bit, and it made me laugh all at the same time. AS much as I don't want things to be the way they were last summer, I have this gut feeling thats the way they are going to end up! I mean things with Wes are crazy as usual. And as much as I've tried getting over him all this year, it has been a very unsuccessful task. For that I'm kind of angry at myself. I don't understand what keeps me waiting around for him. I guess there is some unforseen reason thats worth it. Wes truly is a good guy, no matter what anyone says. He's just a little inexperienced in the whole relationship department. And I can't really hold that against him. If anything I should stick around to show him that I'm not really going anywhere. We were talking about things last night, Me, Jess, and Ashley...and we've decided that he really is afraid that I'm going to ditch him once I get to school! Obviously after this year, that isn't the case. I've made out with one person this entire year, and that was a one time thing. So it's not like its a big deal. I'm not trying to find anyone else! I have feelings for him and right now its him only. I know that sounds all mushy and stuff, but oh well. I guess I'm in a mushy mood! I guess I'm going to hang out with him for a few weeks and if things seem to be going back to the old ways I'm going to tell him.."look I can't do last summer again! It's either going to change or we really are going to be just friends, but you need to make the decision, I'm not going to do it!!!" Thats the plan, we'll see how well I stick to it! Jess and I decided that our first Cedar Point trip is going to be May 26. We are soo excited! I can't wait, it wont come soon enough!! I curled my eyelashes this morning and I think I seriously messed them up. They are bothering me so much, like it feels like there is something stuck to them and it is driving me nuts! But anyway, that is besides the point. I just want to say Thanks Guys for making this year a blast, and thanks for helping me understand the complicated workings of a guys mind! I really appreciate it! Anyway, I should go do some work since I am getting paid to do it! Until next time...Over and Out! It's undeniable that we should be together. It's unbelievable how I used to say that I'd fall never. That basis is need to know, if you don't know just how I feel, then let me show you now that I'm for real! ~Brian McKnight, Back to One~