First Day

Just a quick post.....classes went well. It was a long day, but all was well. Nothing seems to be too hard. Found all the classes ok...even the mysterious A204!! But I will write more about my classes when I actually see how they go. I got an assignment already in my English class. Three assignments actually. It's only once a week though, so I won't have it next week! That gives me two weeks. NO HOTTIES!!!! In the words of Tiffany, "GOO"! But I think I'm going to go get some Mt. Dew and hit the hay, or maybe watch TV!!! Im out!

Creepy...

My neighbor is the creepiest man I have ever seen in my life. He is weird. My mom is freaked out, and she told me to get some mace. HAHA...mom's aren't they great??? But anyway, I have been home all by myself all day today its been kind of nice...kind of lonely. But oh well. I made myself dinner. It didn't turn out as well as I hoped it would have. BUt oh well what can you do about it? Try again. Whatever. I was in the process of cleaning my room and I came across one of my Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books. I was flipping through it and I found this really good saying, so I thought I would post it on here..:

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure...That you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

Anyway, I like it, I thought it was really true. But anyway, I have a mess to clean up downstairs. I don't have anything else to talk about really. Until next time..Over and out!

HO Hum!

All I have to say is thank GOD for thunderstorms, even if they are scary, and headaches! NOw with that said, let me explain why I am so thankful for them. I GOT TODAY OFF!!!! First of all, I woke up this morning feeling like a giant train had run over my head. I was in some serious pain. So I called the park and thankfully Melinda answered the phone and I let her know that I wasn't going to be in today because I could barely get out of bed. Which was cool. So I told her I might come in later if I was feeling better and to have Martha call me when she got in. Well Martha never called so when I was finally awake and feeling a little bit better, I called in to see if they wanted me to come in, and she said no because it was nasty out and she wasn't going to open booth. Nobody had been in yet so far at 12 so she wasn't worried about it. Boy was that nice.
Anyway, on a good note, last night Beth and I went out to SVSU and hung out with Sarah. They gave me a tour and cool stuff so I could find all of my classes on Monday. Still lost on where my English class is, but I'll figure it out. My other three classes are all in the same building so I wont be too lost. Which is nice. Haha, I find it rather funny that at Michigan State I never got lost. I was perfectly comfortable with the campus and it was HUGE. Here at SVSU I am terrified that I am going to get lost. I don't know if I like that all the buildings are interconnected. I guess in the winter it will be nice because than I won't have to trudge through the snow!!! YAY! Not to mention we will have snow days!! YES!!!! I just went out to SVSU to get some more of my books. I picked up my English books which weren't too expensive, so I'm ready for that class. I decided I should probably be prepared for it considering I only have once a week, and it's for three hours. We will probably have some homework the first week. BOO!! Yeah, so Beth is at the football game and I am here all by myself. I just went to Wal-MArt and bought some stuff to make dinner with. I'm excited, I'm actually going to attempt to cook! Should be fun! Feel free to come over for dinner if you're hungry. WE will have plenty! But thats all for now. Until next time....Over and out!

What a bad day.....

My day started off really bad....I woke up in the worst mood and didn't really feel like going to work. But unfortunately I had to, I need the money and can't afford not to go in. I wish that my last week and a half would fly by and be over. I don't want to work at the park. It's starting to bring me down and stress me out. Today I think was the worst day I have had at the park all summer. I was just so grouchy and I bit Daren's head off. Now that I look back on it I feel really bad about it. Then as if the day wasn't bad enough...it happened today. The one thing that I have waited for, for almost a month now, happened today and I don't know how to react to it. I don't know how to feel about the situation. It made me sad all day today and it's all I thought about. Once I talked to Martha about it though, I felt better. I'm still not to sure how to feel about it. I wish it were easier to decide on what to do. But oh well. If you are the praying type, please keep my brother in your prayers. He just recently joined the Air Force and he is at his permanent base in Arkansas right now. My mom called me the other day and informed me that he is going to be deployed in December. I'm not sure where yet, because he couldn't tell her over the phone. So we're still waiting to find out where he is going. Just the fact that he is going to be leaving our country and be doing who knows what, is scary enough. And thinking that he could be placed in harms way is scarier. So please just pray that God would keep him safe and alive. Even though I am ready to be done working at the park, I'm really sad that all of my friends are leaving. One of my best friends that I made this summer had his last day today. I'm really sad....he said that he was going to email me and probably give ma few drunk dials. So I am excited that he isn't going to forget about me!!! YAY! I think when Beth and I go up there, I'm going to hang out with him for a while! So excited! oh well..only like 10 more days. I can't wait! But I think thats all for now. Until next time....Over and out!

RAR!!

Grrr..I am so irritable today. I just want to punch the little kids that are in the pool screaming. They are getting on my nerves. I knew it was going to be a bad day when I didn't even want to get out of bed at 1 this afternoon. Than I decided I would run some errands and get some much needed stuff done. So I did all that. Went to the post office, went back to The Home Depot to return some unused saw horse brackets, and then headed out to SVSU to sign my promissory note for my loan. The lady in the FA office so kindly informed me that the left over from my loan won't be here for about 4 weeks, which sucks because I was planning on using that for my books. So now I have no books and no money to buy books with, and classes start a week from today!!! GREAT. So what do I do, I call my mom and tell her about thinking that maybe just maybe she would be like "ok, well we can float you a loan until you'r loan refund comes back." NO!! You know what she says, I don't know what to tell you. SO now I'm going to have to wait until my next pay check to get the stupid things and by then all the used ones will be gone and I'll have to buy new ones, and then I'll be really really pissed off!!!!! Did I ever mention how much I HATE COLLEGE!!!! It sucks royally and they cheat you out of soo much money. It's not even fair. OH well, what you gonna do....NOTHING! If I drop out, I'll be a bum for the rest of my life...if I continue to go, I could very well just go insane! I think this is the one thing that makes me crazier than any boy ever could!!!! GRRR......I think depression is setting in because it's finally hit me that I am leaving all my friends from Lansing. Someone whom I haven't talked to in over 4 months IMed me last night to ask me when I was moving in. It made me sad that I had to tell him I wasn't going to be moving in. I mean I am way excited to be going to SVSU and to be here in my townhouse with Beth....but I've shared the past two years with these people and now I'm not going to see them hardly. It's going to be a rough transition thats for sure!!!! OH well, I need to go jump in the shower and get ready to meet Beth and Mom #2 at TGI Fridays for dinner. Until next time...Over and out!

Randomness...

So I've decided that I am a habitual electricity waster! Haha..seriously I leave lights on and the tv on and everything on. I think it's because I'm here by myself and if I leave the lights on, than I don't feel quite to alone. As stupid as that sounds. But whatever. At least I admit to it. Who knew that getting over someone could be so difficult. It seems like a day can't go by that I am not thinking about Wes. Not constantly maybe, but I definitely think about him once a day. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure I think about him more in one day than I do Daren. I think it's supposed to be the other way around. But it's not for me. I wish I knew an easier way of doing this. I've had to go to the Home Depot twice in the past two days and do you realize how hard it is to go there and not want to call him?? Honestly, how can you go to someones place of work and not miss them? Granted it wasn't his exact store...but still...it's The Depot. It's just so hard...and everyday I pray that God will make it easier for me and all this frustration and hurt will go away. And it has gotten easier. I haven't cried over it in a week. Which is really bad, but still I guess I'm making progress. I hate that he can make me cry so easily, and HE'S not even really doing anything to me. It's the fact that he's not around and hasn't called me. It SUCKS!!!! I hate the way this makes me feel, but at the same time...I want to talk to him so so so much! Why are guys so frustrating???? I went home today and hung out there for a while. I was there ALL day. It's the longest I've been there since I moved out. I just hung there, my dad and my uncle built the saw horses for my COOL COOL desk, and I ate dinner. When they were finished with the saw horses...I came back here and put the desk together, not that it took me a long time. Then I put the wrapping paper on it. It's AWESOME! OH and I took some picture in from my house...(they have like 50 thousand roles of undeveloped film) and I got them developed. THey were soo soo old. THey were from like my sophomore year of high school. They even have fat Cameron in them, only she wasn't quite so fat. But anyway. They were really old...and some of them were funny!!! Haha..anyway, I think thats all for now. Until next time...Over and out!

Hmmmm....

Sometimes things make me wonder. I am so ready to be done working at the park. Everyday something new turns into a HUGE drama fest and I'm just kind of tired of the whole situation! I love the park, and I love the job, and I love the people I work with....but throw them all together and it's not the most fun situation to be in! Things with Daren are in like first gear. At least the ball is rolling now though. It may not be moving very quickly..but it's got a start! So we'll see how that goes. We just got back from the Home Depot. I had to get some stuff to make my desk with and he met me there to bring it home. Which was really cool of him..I was supposed to feed him...but it didn't work out. So now I owe him four dinners. At least I don't have to pay him the $20 he was going to make me. It's cool. I don't know....I just really don't know. I was supposed to go to a wedding with Martha tonight, but I forgot that I had invited Brianna over...so I just told Martha I had other plans. It's cool....I think I would much rather hang out with Brianna anyway. Nothing against Martha....but I really don't want to be thrown into a situation with a crap load of drunk people that I don't know!!! YA KNOW! So it's cool. Things will work themselves out. OH well..that's all I have to update for the time being.....Until next time. Over and out!

Foolish...

Not much has happened in the past few days. Well actually I think since the last time I updated for real, I had one of the best nights of my life! You know when you just have one of those and it's so great you can't sleep! That was me, I was on cloud nine and couldn't think about anything but that! If you know me, you can ask me for details...I don't really want to post them on here in case some unwarranted person reads it! You never know who can stumble upon things. The internet is a crazy thing! Anyway, I've had a rough week with certain things. Just things that have been weighing me down now for a while and I am ready to break free of them. I don't really want anything to do with it anymore! It's keeping me from growing as a person. Now that I'm on my own, I realize a lot of things. A lot of the things I did before were to spite people. Not really for myself. Which isn't good. I want to move on to better things. Beth and I had a really conversation the other night. It helped me with this A LOT! We prayed about it and as stupid as you may think this is....it helped. A lot of the burden I was feeling at that time was gone. Prayer is an amazing thing!!!! I've learned that as well as many other things. God has some amazing things in store for my life, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me!!!! On another note, a lot of the friends I've made over the summer are leaving. Even some of the friends I've had for a while. Not to mention I left a lot of friends back in Lansing. It's going to be so awesome making new friends! Not that my friends didn't matter...I'm going to MISS THEM LIKE CRAZY! But it's always fun to make new ones! Ya know~?!?!? I'm excited that the summer is almost over...and for more reasons than one!!! But thats another story in itself! But for now...I have some huge errands to run.. So i need to get them done and then head to youth group! Until next time...Over and out!

So sad, so sad what love will make you do. All the things that we accept, be the things that we regret. See, when I get the strength to leave you always tell me that you need me. And I'm weak cause I believe you. And I'm mad because I love you. So I stop and think that maybe, you can learn to appreciate me. Then it all remains the same that You ain't never gonna change...But I'm hurtin while im with you and though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you.

~~Ashanti...Foolish

Makes me Sad.....

I was going to write stuff about a situtation in my life right now....but I don't have any time to do it......so I'll just post this for the time being!!!!

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

THis is why the man I marry has to bring me potatos!

I mean, roses only last like a couple weeks and that's if you leave them in water and they really only exist to be pretty. So that's like saying "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance" but a potato! potatos last forever, man! In fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow stuff even if you just leave them in the sack. That part alone makes it a good symbol but there's more! There are so many ways to enjoy a potato! You can even make a battery with it! And that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you" and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome! So that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

That is so great. Everytime I read it it makes me smile. Seriously the first guy to bring me a bag of potatos is going to be the winner!! HAHA!!!!

God Proves More Amazing Every Day!

I just want to praise Jesus for everything he has been doing in my life lately. Seriously, he is AMAZING! I haven't always been a dedicated christian, and as I get older I realize that things just aren't possible without God in my life! I've struggled with so many things for so long and now slowly as I begin to put things in His hands, everything is starting to work itself out. For those of you who actually do read this and are interested in what goes on in my life, here's a quick run down of all the really amazing things that have been happening! First of all, thing with my grades and such as MSU weren't great. Actually they down right sucked. So, understandably so, I was put on academic recess for a year. I found out through a meeting that I could get back into MSU this fall if I took classes over the summer and pulled a 3.0 in them. Well for reasons I understand now, I couldn't get any financial aid through Detla and therefore couldn't take any classes this summer. Well, that left me with a few options, 1. I could live in East Lansing in my apartment and go to LCC or work full time and save up some money or 2.) I could transfer to SVSU and move back home. Well for some reason I chose to do the latter of the two. I was worried a little because like I said before my grades weren't up to par and was afraid that I wouldn't be allowed to transfer to SVSU, well Angelo, the assistant director of admissions talked with me and he let me slide in. So I was accepted to SVSU and all was good there. WEll then, I decided I was going to live on campus so I didn't have to live at home. Well, in the process of filling out my application for housing, Beth called and told me she no longer wanted to live on Campus and wanted to know if I wanted to get an apartment. I thought it might be a great idea and definitely a lot of fun, but I was hesitant because of my lease in Lansing. We had to wait because Beth had to find out if she could get out of her contract with SVSU housing. Well she did get let out of it, which they NEVER do, and so we got a place together. In the process of trying to find someone to take over my lease in Lansing, I had to pay rent for the first month. Two days after I sent it out, the apartment complex called to tell me that they were sending my check back to me because someone had already signed the lease and payed the rent. God has worked everything out perfectly so far. This morning I had my transfer orientation and had to register for classes which I was afraid about because my financial aid hasn't come back yet. Well the guy in FA got me a waiver so that I didn't have to pay for my classes until my aid comes back! YIPPEE!!!! I am really happy, excited, and anxious for school to start. I am currently stress-free and I am so happy that I can just kick back and relax for a while. NOt have to worry about anything. I have all of my bills paid and am ready and waiting for Rent for september! Life couldn't get any better right now! I am so thankful that I have a God that loves me and is always faithful! But I think I've rambled on enough about this for the time being! I think I'm done...Until next time.....Over and out!

What a relaxing weekend!

So this was my first unrequested weekend off in a long time. I decided that I should use it wisely. I haven't been out and about in a long time because of work and other things, so Beth and I decided that we should have some fun this weekend. Well her friend Darren was having a get together at his place in Newaygo. She told me about it a long long time ago and I was hoping that I wouldn't really have to go but, since we live together it's kind of hard to get out of things! So I went and we were having fun on the car ride up there until we got lost for about an hour and a half! Seriously our 2.5 hour trip turned into a 4 hour trip and we had to stop and ask for directions like 4 or 5 times. It was horrible, and just as we were about to turn around and head back home, we found the road we were looking for! It was awful. So we got to the cabin and found out that Darren's dad, whom Beth had called as a last ditch effort, had called the cabin and told Darren that we were lost so he and a friend went into Fremont looking for us. We it was cool because they got back a few minutes after we arrived and everything from there on was peachy. We went tubing, got a little beat up and everything but all in all it was a really good time and I am definitely glad that I went! Not to mention I met a few new people. It was really cool. So we left there and headed home about 9:30 or so and got back here at like 12. So this morning we both got up and went to church. It was really amazing. I decided that I actually let things go the way God wants them to and stop trying to make them the way I want them to be. That is the only way things are going to get done. So yeah church was awesome this morning...as usual! I just stopped by work a little bit ago and I think people are coming over after work. So we'll see how that goes!I dunno. Anywho, I think I"m going to go grab some lunch and just relax for a while! Until next time...Over and out!

I Don't Know Why I Feel Bad!

So for a brief moment, I felt really bad about a situation I had with Wes. I kind of felt like I had betrayed him by not saying anything to him about Daren. But to be completely honest, I'm not so sure that I really should. Because there is nothing between Wes and I. As much as he acts like he wants to be more than just friends, I don't think he does. And if he really does, he's wasted too much time trying to make his decision on what to do. So this is what I have to say about it all, This train has left the station. I am going to pursue this thing with Daren. I don't know if anything is going to happen but I think it really might be going somewhere and I don't want the situation with Wes to hold me back if it is. I mean seriously is it really that difficult to admit to someone that you like them? I just get so frustrated with the situation. At one moment everything is all good and peachy and the next I don't hear from him for weeks unless I call him like 5 times a day. That just gets old. I thought maybe by me moving into this new place things would change. I mean seriously there is more than enough opportunity for things to take shape where there isn't anyone against us. But I don't think I've talked to him for more than five minutes since I've been here, which by the way has almost been a week! Like I said before this is it, I'm done, El Finito. I'm really going to give it my best effort to stay away from Wes with an interest of being more than friends. I will definitely always be there for him because I love him to death and he is one of my closest guy friends. I may need to stay away for a while, but I want to do whatever it takes to make this the last time I say all this stuff.
On a good note however, someone finally took over my sublease. IT was just in the nick of time too. I sent in my rent check for them to only send it back to me. SO that is really awesome!!! I guess this all was God's will for me. ME going to SVSU and living here in Saginaw. It all worked out perfectly. I am so excited and I am loving the new place!!!! It has been so cool being out on my own. Maybe one day I'll invite you to come over! It's by invitation only unless your name starts with a D and ends with an aren, and then your welcome to come over at any time. Hahaha. But anyway I think that is all for now. I'll definitely have a lot to write about in the upcoming weeks, with living on my own and all!!!! How exciting! Anyway, until next time...over and out!!!!