So I stopped updating this journal, but if you want to still read whats going on in my life, I have another one. It's here..... www.xanga.com/meeshalee217 check it out. It's updated fairly regularly!

It's been a while!

Yeah so it's been a while since I've updated! But I decided that now was a good time!!! So I'm reading this book called, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." It is a really good book and I think everyone should read it. It makes you think a lot about the relationships you develop with members of the opposite sex. I really like it so far, I'm only on the fifth chapter but I'm taking my time reading it, so that it all has time to sink in. One part in particular that stuck out at me was a part that talked about how dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship. I'm going to write what it says because I think that everyone has the potential to benefit from it.
"Jack met Libby at a church-sponsored college retreat. Libby was a friendly girl with a reputation for taking her relationship with God seriously. Jack and Libby chatted during a game of volleyball and seemed to really hit it off. Jack wasn't interested in an intense relationship, but he wanted to get to know Libby better. Two days after the retreat he called her up and asked if she'd like to go out to a movie the next weekend. She said yes. Did Jack make the right move? Well, he did in terms of scoring a date, but if he really wanted to build a friendship, he more than likely struck out. One-on-one dating has the tendency to move a guy and girl beyond friendship and toward romance too quickly. Have you ever known someone who worried about dating a longtime friend? If you have, you probably heard that person say something like this: 'He asked me out, but I'm just afraid that if we start actually dating it will change our friendship.' What is this person really saying? People who make statements like that, whether they realize it or not, recognize that dating encourages romantic expectations. In a true friendship you don't feel pressured by knowing that you 'like' the other person or that he or she 'likes' you back. You feel free to be yourself and do things together without spending three hours in front of the mirror making sure you look perfect. C.S. Lewis describes friendship as two people walking side by side toward a common goal. Their mutual interest brings them together. Jack skipped this commonality stage by asking Libby out on a typical, no-brainer, dinner-and-movie date where their 'coupleness' was the focus. In dating, romantic attraction is often the cornerstone of the relationship. The premise of dating is 'I'm attracted to you; therefore, let's get to know each other.' The premise of friendship, on the other hand is, ' We're interested in the same things; let's enjoy these common interests together.' If romantic attraction forms after developing a friendship, it's an added bonus. Intimacy without commitment is defrauding . Intimacy without friendship is superficial. A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last nly as long as the feelings last."
So maybe when people use the excuse, I don't want to ruin our friendship, they are being sincere. I don't know. I believe that a solid relationship can only stem from a solid friendship. But that is my opinion, and I've believed that way before I ever even started reading this book. Anyway, I think that is enough for the time being. Let me know if you agree with me on this subject. It's cool to see what other people think. But I need to go get ready to lose my volleyball game! XOXO

Today is Beautiful!!!!

Today is such a beautiful day!!! It is the most gorgeous day I have seen in a very very long time. It's really too bad that we don't have chairs on our patio because I would definitely go out there and do my homework today! Instead I just have my window and blinds open! I just got off the phone with Daren (one R). I remember why I liked him. He's cute...just hearing him over the phone made me smile. He told me to stop being a loser and go out and do something. It's not as fun when you're by yourself. That's what I told him anyway. None of my friends are around. Sarah is in Pennsylvania with the football team, Beth is either home or out shopping with her mom, and I'm not really sure where Tiff would be. But really those are the only friends that I have. Sad I know! I need to take this really great advice I got the other day. I need to get out and get involved in things....meet people. Maybe that will be my new goal....to get involved with things. In the meantime, I'm content with doing my homework. It's not like I get the motivation to do it all the time. I better make good use out of it. Did I ever mention that I LOVE THE DENTIST. Well I do. I haven't been to him in a while, but I know I have an appointment coming up soon....which makes me very very happy! I love having clean teeth. It's like one of the best feelings in the world!!! Anyway, I'm starting to sound like a raving lunatic....I'll go for now!!! Leave me love people!!! XOXO!

Senseless Babble

This week is finally over for me. It was such a long week. It just seemed to go on forever. I really need more to do during the week to make time pass by more quickly. I really do wish that I had a job. I just want to work, but for some reason nobody seems to be hiring right now. It stinks. Oh well. I'll find one sooner or later. I have a few big assignments due this week. One paper and a lab report. I guess that isn't too bad, but for me, it's a lot. I don't usually have homework. Oh well.
I've been thinking about him again. Some days I don't care about him, and don't care what hes doing, and there are days when I'm driving down the road and I just want to turn my car and head north and travel that all too familiar path to his drive way. But I don't. I could just pick up the phone and call him but the sound of his voice usually makes me crazy. I miss him. He has such a huge part of my heart, and it makes me sad that things turned out the way they did. But what can I do? Move on is about it. I want to go back to the days when everything was normal. Back in the days when I didn't know what it meant to be "sick" and when I had no idea what a broken heart felt like. I wish I were back in elementary school, when if you held hands with someone they were your boyfriend and that was the end of it, and if it didn't make it through the day, that was ok too. Those were the days. None of this crap of being afraid of comittment and not liking titles. What is that?!?!?!
I miss my brother. It's been forever since I've talked to him! He means the world to me, and I pray every night that God keeps him safe wherever he goes. Especially when he goes wherever hes getting deployed to. I pray God keeps him safe. I'm not sure what I would do if somethere were to happen to him. I'm in a very sentimental mood right now. I'm not real sure why...but I get that way sometimes. But now I think I'm just rambling on. So I'll go do something...maybe some of this homework! Leave comments, if you feel so inclined! Peace!

Oh WOW

So Beth and I decided that we could no longer handle sharing a computer. So she went out and bought a router, and we hooked it up ourselves. Very impressive for the two of us. We generally don't know how to do those types of things and rarely like to do them on our own. Usually we make Andrew come over and do it considering he's the only person we know that is a computer geek. But he was too busy today to come over when we wanted him to, so we did something every guy dreads doing! We read the directions!!! It's amazing that we figured out how to do everything just by reading the directions!!!! ROCK ON! So I am typing this to you on my very own computer. Yes, it is the same computer who did not work for over a year. She is back in commission and working fine! YAY!
On another note, school is going well. I am coming up on my second chem test. I had my second bio test this morning and I'm not too sure how I did on it. We shall see tomorrow when I check the results on Blackboard. But yeah I missed a lecture of Chemistry and I'm afraid that one lecture was one too many. I don't know we shall see after I take the test. We had a substitue proffessor yesterday because our is in Seattle or something. He's the Dean of the College of Engineering, so he tends to have a lot of stuff to do. I actually liked the way the sub taught us everything istead of our own Prof. I like Dr. Williams, but sometimes he's teaching style sucks! But whatever. Enough about that. I think really thats all I have to write about. Just how awesome it is to finally have my own computer!!! It is awesome. I've been without my baby for way too long. Haha....Im attached what can I say!!!! But until next time my friends....Over and out!

20 Questions

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says:
300g - 204g = 96g
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
The computer monitor
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Desperate Housewives
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
11:23
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
11:16 ...
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Other people typing.
7: When did you last step outside?
This morning on my way into class.
8: What are you wearing?
black shoes, jeans, pink button down shirt, and a gray zip-up sweater
9: Did you dream last night?
i think so, but i dont remember what about
10: When did you last laugh?
In Stats this morning at my CRAZY prof
11: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
white paint.
12: Seen anything weird lately?
hmm..not so much
13: What are you thinking about right now?
too many things to write down here
14: What is the last film you saw?
Uptown Girls
15: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight,what would you buy first?
A new cell phone, or perhaps a new car.
16: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I hate getting dressed up and girly.
17: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would make sure everyone knew about God's Love for us.
18: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Alexia Richelle
19: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Jensen Thomas
20: If you could have one wish, what would it be?
To be happy with myself.

Sorry, It's Been A Few!

So I decided that since a few of you do read this and like to know whats going on in my life, I'll keep updating! Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone!! I had a super busy weekend. It was Beth and Sarah's birthday's. Beth's 20th and Sarah's 21st. Friday night I babysat, Saturday I went job hunting, and Sunday I don't even remember all that went on, I was THAT busy. I do remember that Mine and Beth's male cheerleading squad took 2nd place in the Homecoming competition! We were really excited and proud of the guys for their efforts!!! Especially considering His House has never once placed in the cheerleading comp...ever! How cool!! I was so excited. School is going well...or at least I think it is. I am really trying this semester and working to apply myself. I know that I am smart, and I know that I can do this stuff..I just have to learn to apply myself. So that has been on my list of things to do! I skipped class today, well not actually skipped it, but well I was up and freezing....so I laid back down to cover up with my blankets, and slept through my class! Darn those warm, comfortable beds!!! Oh well, I can get the notes from someone else! I do have to email the girls from my group in order to get the stuff from our lab that we were going to go over today! Ooops! Now to a much deeper subject. Since I have been trying so hard to do well in school, some other things have been suffering! My relationships with people are starting to suffer, and that makes me sad. First of all, Beth and I hardly ever get to hang out anymore because we are both so busy with school. I mean its sad that we live two feet from each other and we can't even hang out! We need to start making time! Another relationship that is suffering, is the one with my parents. I guess it really isn't suffering, but now that I live closer to them, I'm really starting to miss them. I miss not seeing them all the time. I need to get over there more and visit with them a little bit! Most importantly though, my relationship with God is suffering. I have been working and working so hard to build up the relationship with him to get to know him better. I just get so busy, that sometimes I just forget to pray or even read my bible. Two of the most important things are the things that I happen to leave out. My friends don't help much. Like don't get me wrong I love them to death...but sometimes they don't help me. I tend to slip up more when I'm around them. I need people to start holding me accountable. I want to have a good, strong, close relationship with God and I can't do that if everyday I take a few steps back! I don't know, maybe it's just me. We'll see, I'm going to start making that my top priority! I don't really know if any of that really made much sense. But oh well....I need to get going. I have to go jump in the shower and then take some apps back! Feel free to comment!!! Much Love!!!!!

Don't Know Why I Bother.

I haven't been very faithful about udating this thing. I don't know why I continue to keep it, it's not like anyone actually reads it. And if anyone actually does read it, they don't let me know by leaving comments and such. Anywho, not much has changed in my life in the past few weeks. Still in school and still unemployed. The money is just about gone and I need a job desperately. I have filled out numerous applications already and I have 3 more sitting on the table downstairs waiting to be returned. I should have probably taken them back as soon as I got them filled out, but who knows. I'll have plenty of time to do it tomorrow, and besides they start getting busy in like 30 minutes. So I'll do it tomorrow afternoon when there wont be anyone in there. Sounds good to me!!! My trip to the UP was a lot of fun. I was thinking about it last night, and I would really like to go back. Maybe in the spring or something Beth and I could fit in a trip to go back and see it in the spring. Do some more fun stuff, go see all these places people were telling us about! That would be awesome! I'm DOWN! I for once don't have any prospects lined up in the guy department. Usually there is someone that I usually have a crush on, or at least think is cute, but for once, there isn't anyone. I'm ok with that. I don't need a guy right now. Especially with school and with a job, I just won't have time for a boyfriend. I would feel like I was neglecting something, and it would either be him or my school work....chances are it would be my school work and that is really something I can't afford right now. I had two tests this week. One in Biology and one in Chemistry. I got an 83 on the bio and an 84 on the Chem. I was excited. Those are not bad grades. Not to mention we have like 5 other tests so I have time to study more and get better grades on all the tests! I am working my butt off this year in order to get good grades. This will be the first time I've ever been serious about school! I can't wait to see my GPA at the end of the semester!!!!! I saw Josh today and yesterday. Yesterday I just saw him driving, so that wasn't bad, but today I actually saw him, face to face, and we spoke. Well all we said was hi...but still. Talk about weird feelings. I mean how are you supposed to act towards the ex who is now dating what used to be your best friend? I am going to be nice to him whenever I see him, I mean after all...I did break up with him...and she should have known better! Thankfully, she doesn't go here so I won't have to see them together! That is nice! But whatever! I'm going to go find something productive to do!!! LEAVE COMMENTS PEOPLE!!!! until next time...Over and out!

WOO WOO

Michigan Tech here we come. Beth and I are taking a road trip to the UP to see some people we know. There is nothing like being stuck in the care for 8 hours with your best friend! Hahaha. Anyway, she was told that the scenery is really beautiful so that should be cool, I think maybe on Sunday on the way home we are going to stop and take some pictures. I'm excited!!!
On another note, Friday my sister has to go see a surgeon. Please keep her in your prayers. On monday she found out that she has cervical cancer, and if the surgeon decides to, she is going to have surgery on Friday. So please keep her and our entire family in your prayers.
Im out, I have to finish getting ready and then run some errands. PEACE OUT!!!!

Questions....

I am full of all kinds of questions today. But before I start in on them...I just want to make it a known fact that my Math prof is the most boring man you will ever meet! Today it took everything I had at 8:30 in the morning to not fall asleep listening to him talk about mean, median and mode. I felt like I was back in the second grade. Anyway, on to the questions that are running through my mind...:
1. Why isn't my chemistry book here yet? I ordered it well over a week ago and it still has not shown up. It makes me really irritated especially considering my math book was confirmed two days after my chemistry book and it showed up days ago. I really kind of need my Chem book ASAP because well quite frankly, I have yet to look at it and I have a test a week from Wednesday. So they either need to refund me my money or get me my book!
2. Why on earth are there a huge swarm of bees or wasps or whatever they are flying around outside of Beth's window? I'm not even sure where to start with that one. I guess they probably have a nest in the wall or something, who knows....wouldn't surprise me.
3. Why is it that we always end up liking someone we know whe should not? I asked Beth this question last night, and she said she often wondered the same thing. It ineveitable...it really is. No matter what, we always end up liking someone we know isn't good for us. It happens to some of us more frequently than others but, hey what can you do?
4. Why is it that just as soon as you don't really care about trying to get the guy anymore, they start calling you? I got a call today from someone and granted it was all for personal reasons, but part of it was. And the person reasons came before the business reasons. Maybe thats a good sign. I don't really know, but that is a really frustrating habit that guys really need to break.
5. Why on Earth did I ever sign up for a 7-10 English class? I know how I am and I know that when that time comes around every Monday night, it's going to be the worst part of my day!!! It's kind of poopy, but I guess since it is only once a week, that kind of makes up for it!
So those are the main questions I have running through my head right now. On a good note though, the doctors office called me today, or actually they called on Friday but by the time I got the message they were already closed, so I called them back today. Anyway, I have an appointment with the Surgeon on Nov. 10. I am kind of excited but nervous at the same time. It is kind of late for the time span I was aiming. But we'll see, maybe it will work out after all. Keep that in your prayers, if you would. Even if you don't know what I'm talking about, just pray that it would all work out as planned. Anyway, I'm gonna go for now, so Until next time...Over and out!

Tired

I don't know what to feel. I went to the doctor on Thursday and the reason I went in was to get my headaches checked out and to talk to him about having some surgery done. Well when I left I had two percriptions and a referral to see a surgeon. I am excited about talking to the surgeon, even though I don't know that the whole surgery is going to be paid for by my insurance company. I really really hope that it is, because to me it's a necessity. It's not something I want to have done just because, it's something that needs to be taken care of. Anyway, I started taking my perscriptions today and it says on the bottle that it could cause drowsiness, but I didn't think it would be to this extent. I am going to try and make it through the day without taking a nap, but we'll see how that goes. I hope this stuff works without causing any other problems.
On to another subject, it's been a while since I've talked about him, but for some reason today I feel the urge to bring him up. I talked to Wes the other day. It was only for a minute or two but still. I can honestly say that I am working to get over the situation. I am trying to put it behind me, and now that I look back on it, I honestly believe that I knew from the beginning it wasn't going to work. Maybe I didn't, but I would like to think that I did. I don't know if I ever really believed that I could change him. I am beginning to realize that the reasons I clung to him so much were selfish. It felt good to have somebody to cuddle up to once in a while and to have there to kiss if you needed it. I know that isn't healthy, to be with someone (not that we were actually ever together, he doesn't believe in titles) for those reasons, but thats what happened. I do care about him, and a part of me always will. We did spend a large majority of our summers together, and you don't spend that amount of time with someone and not develop some sort of feelings for them. I know that somewhere deep down within him somewhere, there are feelings for me. Whether they are platonic, or more than that, I'll never know but I believe that they are there. I am just sad that things are the way they are now. We don't even talk anymore, but I think that is better for me. I realize that God is always testing my strength and courage, and that he will not ever give me something that I can not handle. So for every hurdle that gets set in my path, I need to turn to Him for His guidance and praise him just as much I do for every blessing in my life. GOD IS GOOD!!!!
But I think that is all for now, I am going to go look at my math book some more and hopefully understand Statistics a little bit better before class tomorrow. Until next time...Over and out!

You Make Me Sick

Have you ever just been so sick of someone and the way they act? Tonight I realized that this one person make me sick. He is so gross and loathsome. He acts like he is the coolest person on this earth and the fact that he is more irresponsible than I am makes it even worse. I suppose you would have to know who I am talking about to understand. And even then I'm not sure you would understand completely. I don't think anyone could understand it. Not even Beth. So many things have gone on and been done that I just can't even believe him sometimes. I guess if I'm saying this about him I probably should say it about myself, but I don't think I'm like that all the time. Anyway, moving on... so today Troy from His House informed me that he had hired someone else to be the secretary for His House, which at first I was cool with and I guess I still am because honestly, it was only 10 hours a week. I need more than that. But the lame excuse he gave me for it was what kind of makes me mad. He told me pretty much that the reason he gave the other girl the job was because she had been involved in His House longer. None of our qualifications mattered, but because she was there longer she got the job. I think its kind of bull but whatever like I said, it was only 10 hours a week! Today just wasn't a very good day at all. Oh well, Tomorrow night I'm going to state and I couldn't be more excited. I can not wait to see everyone. I miss them all like crazy. I have a doctors apt at 3:45 tomorrow too, I am kind of nervous. But I hope he can do something about these headaches I've been getting. They are AWFUL! We'll see what he says. Maybe he will agree with me on everything and my plan will be in progress! I hope so, please pray that I make the right decision. I'm not sure what to do really. But this is what I want! Anyway, I think I'm going to go for now. Until next time....Over and out!

These headaches have got to go. That is all I have to say. Maybe when I go to the doctor on Thursday he will be able to do something for me. I am sick of waking up with such awful headaches that I can't even get out of bed in the morning. I'm starting to feel like an invalid. Seriously, I missed my Math class this morning because I couldn't even open my eyes. My head hurt so bad and I was so sensitive to the light that every time I opened my eyes I felt like I was going to throw up. MIGRAINES SUCK! I took some medicine for it, and now I think it's stuck in my throat. It's really awful. I need to get ready and head out to the college. I have a while before my class starts but I want to go to the bookstore and get my bio book and stuff like that before tomorrow. Eh, I have two hours before class starts. I'll finish this, check my mail and then head out there! Well I just wanted to write about it! PEACE OUT!

I HATE THEM!

These headaches have got to go. That is all I have to say. Maybe when I go to the doctor on Thursday he will be able to do something for me. I am sick of waking up with such awful headaches that I can't even get out of bed in the morning. I'm starting to feel like an invalid. Seriously, I missed my Math class this morning because I couldn't even open my eyes. My head hurt so bad and I was so sensitive to the light that every time I opened my eyes I felt like I was going to throw up. MIGRAINES SUCK! I took some medicine for it, and now I think it's stuck in my throat. It's really awful. I need to get ready and head out to the college. I have a while before my class starts but I want to go to the bookstore and get my bio book and stuff like that before tomorrow. Eh, I have two hours before class starts. I'll finish this, check my mail and then head out there! Well I just wanted to write about it! PEACE OUT!

I'm Sad.

So it finally hit me on my way home tonight that I am no longer employed. Not only that, but I won't see any of the people who have become my friends over the summer. Two in particular. Daren and Martha have become to of my closest friends over the summer and I'm going to miss them. We spent the entire day working together, and then after we went out and got pizza on Daren. He owed us, considering we worked our butts off helping him get everything taken down and cleaned for the end of the season. I had to walk through muck up to my ankles so that I could mark where the big bouy's went. It was by far the most disgusting thing I've done in a long, long time. But anyway, I don't know about things right now. I was kind of excited for the end of the season becuase I thought things with Daren would go somewhere, but now I don't know if they really will or not. He didn't seem to taken aback by it as I was. But I guess I don't really care, if it was supposed to be, it will work out. If not, than whatever I'll find someone better suited for me. I don't know I just kind of said a quick and lame goodbye to the two of them and jumped in my car and came home. Usually I would have hung around for a while and talked to Daren, but not tonight. It just didn't seem right. I dont know why. Who knows. He looked good today. I think it was the tan and his eyes. I'm not sure. I think I'm delirious from all the sun I got today. I don't know. I'm going to the doctors on Thursday this could be the start of something really GREAT! I can not wait. I'm a little bit nervous though at the same time! We'll see how it goes. I have a busy schedule tomorrow. Class all day then a hair appointment at 3, then it's off to youth group at 6:30. Then I have class on thursday, followed by a doc appointment at 3:45 then it's off to state for THursday and Friday nights. Should be good! Until next time...Over and out!

BLAH!!!

I am so bored. I need to do my English homework. But right now I have no motivation to do it. I need to get motivated. Maybe Beth can motivate me...she needs to hound me to do it! I need to hound myself to do it. I got out of work early today, and I bought Daren lunch. Then I came home and instead of going to the concert, Beth and I stayed home. OH well..I had my chance, but I just didn't feel like going. I wasn't realy that excited about it. OH well. I don't think I've really thought about the fact that I am no longer working at the park. Well tomorrow is my last day but, none of the seasonal employees will be there. Just me, Daren, Martha, and maybe Darwin. It will be fun though. I am excited. Don't really know why. This weekend has gone on forever and it's still not over. I still have one more day of vacation. HAHA YESSSS!!!!! But thats all for now! I think I'm going to go! Until next time. Over and Out!

Ho Hum!

Just got home a little bit ago from Church and Sunday Dinner with the adopted family. I was going to go up north but my mom called me this morning and told me that Ron wasn't feeling well and that they weren't going. And I didn't really want to go up by myself and sit there all day with my grandparents, not that it is a bad thing...but you know..it might get kind of boring. So I'm staying home and going to cell group like normal Sunday evenings. I haven't been in a long time and it should be good fun! Anyway, my first week of classes went well. They should be fairly easy and I shouldn't have to much of a problem with them. WE'll see how everything works out. My ultimate goal, I think with everyone else on campus, is to end up with a 4.0 at the end of the semester. I am going to work my hardest and see how things go. I have the potential, I know I do. I talked to Bryce and Lou on Friday. It made me sad. I miss them so much. Not to mention they put me on a freaking guilt trip about not coming back to State. I'm getting past it though. It's going to be different, but this is totally God's will and I am ok with that. So whatever. OH MY GOSH....I watched The Passion last night. WOW~!!!!! Seriously, I don't think I have been moved more powerfully by any movie, which isn't surprising! I think I cried through the entire movie!!! WOW it was good. I can't even explain it. If you haven't seen it yet, YOU NEED TO RENT IT!!! ANyway, I was reading Paige's journal and I found this...so I thought I would add it to mine. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Anyway, here it is!

Love Is …
… asking about someone's day and truly caring about the answer.
… knowing that people are different and loving them just the same.
… being there.
… taking out the trash without being asked.
… leaving the last pop for your brother, even though you've been craving it all day.
… being patient, even when you're tired—especially when you're tired.
… writing a note of encouragement.
… treating your family as well as you treat your friends.
… getting up early to do someone else's job for him.
… buying someone flowers for no reason.
… listening to a friend, even when you've heard the same thing a hundred times.
… calling someone back after an argument.
… being honest about how you feel.
… caring—even when it's hard and you don't feel like it.
… trusting in someone even when you're scared.
… saying you're sorry when you are wrong.
… listening and giving advice—and knowing the difference between the two.
… smiling in hard times.
… calling just to say hi on a busy day.
… praying for someone.
… forgiving someone again and again.
… walking beside someone, not in front of or behind her.
… believing.
… being comfortable with someone in silence.
… being a person to joke with.
… providing a shoulder to cry on.
… being a friend.
… difficult.
… accepting people like a little child does.
… surprising someone.
… offering a new perspective on life.
… serving someone breakfast in bed.
… holding your tongue.
… not changing the radio station when someone is listening to it.
… gently admonishing.
… working on the things you know bother someone else.
… trying to understand.
… sacrificial.
… being open to correction.
… ignoring another's faults.
… humble.
… serving others.
… changing your plans for someone.
… crying for someone when you know they're hurting.
… what God does for us

But I think thats it for nwo. I'm going to head out. Until next time....over and out!

I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh...

It's been a long week thus far and it's only hump day! But my week, unlike some, does get easier. I only have two classes tomorrow and work, and then I'm done until saturday with both classes and work. Well after tomorrow, I'm done with classes until Tuesday. Which gives me something to look forward to! Im content with that. Heck, I'm content with not having Friday classes.
I'm almost done with work....which is good. No work = less stress, less stress = a happier, more content Michelle. I am excited for work to be done, but at the same time, I'm really sad that it's over. All of my friends except for Beth are from work. So I mean, thats closing another book of friends. I guess that just means that God has a lot of friends for me to meet at SVSU! We'll see.
Today at work was a little awkward. Martha has been having a lot of problems lately with her ex and the baby. So she got this phone call at work today and she was freaking out. I don't know how to handle situations like that. I have no experience with that, well not directly. I mean I experienced it from her son's perspective but other than that, I'm clueless. I know that situations like this are the hardest on the child. So I asked my mom about it all, because I know she went through it all. Then I told Martha what she said, and I think that maybe I helped in some way. Maybe...maybe not. But I tried, I did my best with the situation. I don't really know why everyone comes to me with their problems. I can't fix them...I can give them my advice on what to do with the situation...but I can't solve anything. I mean it does make me feel really good that people trust me enough to open up to me with their problems...but still...it gets kind of frustrating sometimes. I'm always willing to listen, I think that's one of my best qualities is that I am always willing to listen to someone. I don't mind providing a shoulder to cry on. I just hope that the people who use my shoulder as a snot rag will be there for me when I need them. For the most part they are. Especially Martha. We talk a lot! It's cool. I just wanted to vent about that a little bit.
I'm home alone. I did'nt go to youth group tonight. I just was run down and wanted some time to myself. Ya know, once in a while you need that kind of thing. But now that I've been here for a while, I wish that Beth would come home. Haha...it's kind of lonely here by myself!
I talked to Jen Keates tonight. I miss everyone at State so much. But I know this is better for me. So it's cool! I'll get past it after a while! Classes are going well. Well so far anyway, it is only the third day of classes. My Math prof is a little bit weird, but I think I can handle it. I know three people in that class. So I guess if I ever need help, I know where I can get it. My chemistry prof seems to be really good. We'll see, hes the Dean of the College of Engineering. So he is definitely a smart man. My bio prof is really cool to, Beth loved her so I'm going to assume that she is good! We'll see. I am excited. I am going to do well this semester even if it kills me!!!
I talked to Wes the other night. I miss him. Things aren't the same. I don't know. It's weird....but I knew it would end sometimes I guess. Maybe I didn't want it to!! I don't know whats going on. I miss him though! I think thats enough writing for now. Until Next time...Over and out!

First Day

Just a quick post.....classes went well. It was a long day, but all was well. Nothing seems to be too hard. Found all the classes ok...even the mysterious A204!! But I will write more about my classes when I actually see how they go. I got an assignment already in my English class. Three assignments actually. It's only once a week though, so I won't have it next week! That gives me two weeks. NO HOTTIES!!!! In the words of Tiffany, "GOO"! But I think I'm going to go get some Mt. Dew and hit the hay, or maybe watch TV!!! Im out!

Creepy...

My neighbor is the creepiest man I have ever seen in my life. He is weird. My mom is freaked out, and she told me to get some mace. HAHA...mom's aren't they great??? But anyway, I have been home all by myself all day today its been kind of nice...kind of lonely. But oh well. I made myself dinner. It didn't turn out as well as I hoped it would have. BUt oh well what can you do about it? Try again. Whatever. I was in the process of cleaning my room and I came across one of my Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books. I was flipping through it and I found this really good saying, so I thought I would post it on here..:

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure...That you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

Anyway, I like it, I thought it was really true. But anyway, I have a mess to clean up downstairs. I don't have anything else to talk about really. Until next time..Over and out!

HO Hum!

All I have to say is thank GOD for thunderstorms, even if they are scary, and headaches! NOw with that said, let me explain why I am so thankful for them. I GOT TODAY OFF!!!! First of all, I woke up this morning feeling like a giant train had run over my head. I was in some serious pain. So I called the park and thankfully Melinda answered the phone and I let her know that I wasn't going to be in today because I could barely get out of bed. Which was cool. So I told her I might come in later if I was feeling better and to have Martha call me when she got in. Well Martha never called so when I was finally awake and feeling a little bit better, I called in to see if they wanted me to come in, and she said no because it was nasty out and she wasn't going to open booth. Nobody had been in yet so far at 12 so she wasn't worried about it. Boy was that nice.
Anyway, on a good note, last night Beth and I went out to SVSU and hung out with Sarah. They gave me a tour and cool stuff so I could find all of my classes on Monday. Still lost on where my English class is, but I'll figure it out. My other three classes are all in the same building so I wont be too lost. Which is nice. Haha, I find it rather funny that at Michigan State I never got lost. I was perfectly comfortable with the campus and it was HUGE. Here at SVSU I am terrified that I am going to get lost. I don't know if I like that all the buildings are interconnected. I guess in the winter it will be nice because than I won't have to trudge through the snow!!! YAY! Not to mention we will have snow days!! YES!!!! I just went out to SVSU to get some more of my books. I picked up my English books which weren't too expensive, so I'm ready for that class. I decided I should probably be prepared for it considering I only have once a week, and it's for three hours. We will probably have some homework the first week. BOO!! Yeah, so Beth is at the football game and I am here all by myself. I just went to Wal-MArt and bought some stuff to make dinner with. I'm excited, I'm actually going to attempt to cook! Should be fun! Feel free to come over for dinner if you're hungry. WE will have plenty! But thats all for now. Until next time....Over and out!

What a bad day.....

My day started off really bad....I woke up in the worst mood and didn't really feel like going to work. But unfortunately I had to, I need the money and can't afford not to go in. I wish that my last week and a half would fly by and be over. I don't want to work at the park. It's starting to bring me down and stress me out. Today I think was the worst day I have had at the park all summer. I was just so grouchy and I bit Daren's head off. Now that I look back on it I feel really bad about it. Then as if the day wasn't bad enough...it happened today. The one thing that I have waited for, for almost a month now, happened today and I don't know how to react to it. I don't know how to feel about the situation. It made me sad all day today and it's all I thought about. Once I talked to Martha about it though, I felt better. I'm still not to sure how to feel about it. I wish it were easier to decide on what to do. But oh well. If you are the praying type, please keep my brother in your prayers. He just recently joined the Air Force and he is at his permanent base in Arkansas right now. My mom called me the other day and informed me that he is going to be deployed in December. I'm not sure where yet, because he couldn't tell her over the phone. So we're still waiting to find out where he is going. Just the fact that he is going to be leaving our country and be doing who knows what, is scary enough. And thinking that he could be placed in harms way is scarier. So please just pray that God would keep him safe and alive. Even though I am ready to be done working at the park, I'm really sad that all of my friends are leaving. One of my best friends that I made this summer had his last day today. I'm really sad....he said that he was going to email me and probably give ma few drunk dials. So I am excited that he isn't going to forget about me!!! YAY! I think when Beth and I go up there, I'm going to hang out with him for a while! So excited! oh well..only like 10 more days. I can't wait! But I think thats all for now. Until next time....Over and out!

RAR!!

Grrr..I am so irritable today. I just want to punch the little kids that are in the pool screaming. They are getting on my nerves. I knew it was going to be a bad day when I didn't even want to get out of bed at 1 this afternoon. Than I decided I would run some errands and get some much needed stuff done. So I did all that. Went to the post office, went back to The Home Depot to return some unused saw horse brackets, and then headed out to SVSU to sign my promissory note for my loan. The lady in the FA office so kindly informed me that the left over from my loan won't be here for about 4 weeks, which sucks because I was planning on using that for my books. So now I have no books and no money to buy books with, and classes start a week from today!!! GREAT. So what do I do, I call my mom and tell her about thinking that maybe just maybe she would be like "ok, well we can float you a loan until you'r loan refund comes back." NO!! You know what she says, I don't know what to tell you. SO now I'm going to have to wait until my next pay check to get the stupid things and by then all the used ones will be gone and I'll have to buy new ones, and then I'll be really really pissed off!!!!! Did I ever mention how much I HATE COLLEGE!!!! It sucks royally and they cheat you out of soo much money. It's not even fair. OH well, what you gonna do....NOTHING! If I drop out, I'll be a bum for the rest of my life...if I continue to go, I could very well just go insane! I think this is the one thing that makes me crazier than any boy ever could!!!! GRRR......I think depression is setting in because it's finally hit me that I am leaving all my friends from Lansing. Someone whom I haven't talked to in over 4 months IMed me last night to ask me when I was moving in. It made me sad that I had to tell him I wasn't going to be moving in. I mean I am way excited to be going to SVSU and to be here in my townhouse with Beth....but I've shared the past two years with these people and now I'm not going to see them hardly. It's going to be a rough transition thats for sure!!!! OH well, I need to go jump in the shower and get ready to meet Beth and Mom #2 at TGI Fridays for dinner. Until next time...Over and out!

Randomness...

So I've decided that I am a habitual electricity waster! Haha..seriously I leave lights on and the tv on and everything on. I think it's because I'm here by myself and if I leave the lights on, than I don't feel quite to alone. As stupid as that sounds. But whatever. At least I admit to it. Who knew that getting over someone could be so difficult. It seems like a day can't go by that I am not thinking about Wes. Not constantly maybe, but I definitely think about him once a day. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure I think about him more in one day than I do Daren. I think it's supposed to be the other way around. But it's not for me. I wish I knew an easier way of doing this. I've had to go to the Home Depot twice in the past two days and do you realize how hard it is to go there and not want to call him?? Honestly, how can you go to someones place of work and not miss them? Granted it wasn't his exact store...but still...it's The Depot. It's just so hard...and everyday I pray that God will make it easier for me and all this frustration and hurt will go away. And it has gotten easier. I haven't cried over it in a week. Which is really bad, but still I guess I'm making progress. I hate that he can make me cry so easily, and HE'S not even really doing anything to me. It's the fact that he's not around and hasn't called me. It SUCKS!!!! I hate the way this makes me feel, but at the same time...I want to talk to him so so so much! Why are guys so frustrating???? I went home today and hung out there for a while. I was there ALL day. It's the longest I've been there since I moved out. I just hung there, my dad and my uncle built the saw horses for my COOL COOL desk, and I ate dinner. When they were finished with the saw horses...I came back here and put the desk together, not that it took me a long time. Then I put the wrapping paper on it. It's AWESOME! OH and I took some picture in from my house...(they have like 50 thousand roles of undeveloped film) and I got them developed. THey were soo soo old. THey were from like my sophomore year of high school. They even have fat Cameron in them, only she wasn't quite so fat. But anyway. They were really old...and some of them were funny!!! Haha..anyway, I think thats all for now. Until next time...Over and out!

Hmmmm....

Sometimes things make me wonder. I am so ready to be done working at the park. Everyday something new turns into a HUGE drama fest and I'm just kind of tired of the whole situation! I love the park, and I love the job, and I love the people I work with....but throw them all together and it's not the most fun situation to be in! Things with Daren are in like first gear. At least the ball is rolling now though. It may not be moving very quickly..but it's got a start! So we'll see how that goes. We just got back from the Home Depot. I had to get some stuff to make my desk with and he met me there to bring it home. Which was really cool of him..I was supposed to feed him...but it didn't work out. So now I owe him four dinners. At least I don't have to pay him the $20 he was going to make me. It's cool. I don't know....I just really don't know. I was supposed to go to a wedding with Martha tonight, but I forgot that I had invited Brianna over...so I just told Martha I had other plans. It's cool....I think I would much rather hang out with Brianna anyway. Nothing against Martha....but I really don't want to be thrown into a situation with a crap load of drunk people that I don't know!!! YA KNOW! So it's cool. Things will work themselves out. OH well..that's all I have to update for the time being.....Until next time. Over and out!

Foolish...

Not much has happened in the past few days. Well actually I think since the last time I updated for real, I had one of the best nights of my life! You know when you just have one of those and it's so great you can't sleep! That was me, I was on cloud nine and couldn't think about anything but that! If you know me, you can ask me for details...I don't really want to post them on here in case some unwarranted person reads it! You never know who can stumble upon things. The internet is a crazy thing! Anyway, I've had a rough week with certain things. Just things that have been weighing me down now for a while and I am ready to break free of them. I don't really want anything to do with it anymore! It's keeping me from growing as a person. Now that I'm on my own, I realize a lot of things. A lot of the things I did before were to spite people. Not really for myself. Which isn't good. I want to move on to better things. Beth and I had a really conversation the other night. It helped me with this A LOT! We prayed about it and as stupid as you may think this is....it helped. A lot of the burden I was feeling at that time was gone. Prayer is an amazing thing!!!! I've learned that as well as many other things. God has some amazing things in store for my life, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me!!!! On another note, a lot of the friends I've made over the summer are leaving. Even some of the friends I've had for a while. Not to mention I left a lot of friends back in Lansing. It's going to be so awesome making new friends! Not that my friends didn't matter...I'm going to MISS THEM LIKE CRAZY! But it's always fun to make new ones! Ya know~?!?!? I'm excited that the summer is almost over...and for more reasons than one!!! But thats another story in itself! But for now...I have some huge errands to run.. So i need to get them done and then head to youth group! Until next time...Over and out!

So sad, so sad what love will make you do. All the things that we accept, be the things that we regret. See, when I get the strength to leave you always tell me that you need me. And I'm weak cause I believe you. And I'm mad because I love you. So I stop and think that maybe, you can learn to appreciate me. Then it all remains the same that You ain't never gonna change...But I'm hurtin while im with you and though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you.

~~Ashanti...Foolish

Makes me Sad.....

I was going to write stuff about a situtation in my life right now....but I don't have any time to do it......so I'll just post this for the time being!!!!

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

THis is why the man I marry has to bring me potatos!

I mean, roses only last like a couple weeks and that's if you leave them in water and they really only exist to be pretty. So that's like saying "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance" but a potato! potatos last forever, man! In fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow stuff even if you just leave them in the sack. That part alone makes it a good symbol but there's more! There are so many ways to enjoy a potato! You can even make a battery with it! And that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you" and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome! So that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

That is so great. Everytime I read it it makes me smile. Seriously the first guy to bring me a bag of potatos is going to be the winner!! HAHA!!!!

God Proves More Amazing Every Day!

I just want to praise Jesus for everything he has been doing in my life lately. Seriously, he is AMAZING! I haven't always been a dedicated christian, and as I get older I realize that things just aren't possible without God in my life! I've struggled with so many things for so long and now slowly as I begin to put things in His hands, everything is starting to work itself out. For those of you who actually do read this and are interested in what goes on in my life, here's a quick run down of all the really amazing things that have been happening! First of all, thing with my grades and such as MSU weren't great. Actually they down right sucked. So, understandably so, I was put on academic recess for a year. I found out through a meeting that I could get back into MSU this fall if I took classes over the summer and pulled a 3.0 in them. Well for reasons I understand now, I couldn't get any financial aid through Detla and therefore couldn't take any classes this summer. Well, that left me with a few options, 1. I could live in East Lansing in my apartment and go to LCC or work full time and save up some money or 2.) I could transfer to SVSU and move back home. Well for some reason I chose to do the latter of the two. I was worried a little because like I said before my grades weren't up to par and was afraid that I wouldn't be allowed to transfer to SVSU, well Angelo, the assistant director of admissions talked with me and he let me slide in. So I was accepted to SVSU and all was good there. WEll then, I decided I was going to live on campus so I didn't have to live at home. Well, in the process of filling out my application for housing, Beth called and told me she no longer wanted to live on Campus and wanted to know if I wanted to get an apartment. I thought it might be a great idea and definitely a lot of fun, but I was hesitant because of my lease in Lansing. We had to wait because Beth had to find out if she could get out of her contract with SVSU housing. Well she did get let out of it, which they NEVER do, and so we got a place together. In the process of trying to find someone to take over my lease in Lansing, I had to pay rent for the first month. Two days after I sent it out, the apartment complex called to tell me that they were sending my check back to me because someone had already signed the lease and payed the rent. God has worked everything out perfectly so far. This morning I had my transfer orientation and had to register for classes which I was afraid about because my financial aid hasn't come back yet. Well the guy in FA got me a waiver so that I didn't have to pay for my classes until my aid comes back! YIPPEE!!!! I am really happy, excited, and anxious for school to start. I am currently stress-free and I am so happy that I can just kick back and relax for a while. NOt have to worry about anything. I have all of my bills paid and am ready and waiting for Rent for september! Life couldn't get any better right now! I am so thankful that I have a God that loves me and is always faithful! But I think I've rambled on enough about this for the time being! I think I'm done...Until next time.....Over and out!

What a relaxing weekend!

So this was my first unrequested weekend off in a long time. I decided that I should use it wisely. I haven't been out and about in a long time because of work and other things, so Beth and I decided that we should have some fun this weekend. Well her friend Darren was having a get together at his place in Newaygo. She told me about it a long long time ago and I was hoping that I wouldn't really have to go but, since we live together it's kind of hard to get out of things! So I went and we were having fun on the car ride up there until we got lost for about an hour and a half! Seriously our 2.5 hour trip turned into a 4 hour trip and we had to stop and ask for directions like 4 or 5 times. It was horrible, and just as we were about to turn around and head back home, we found the road we were looking for! It was awful. So we got to the cabin and found out that Darren's dad, whom Beth had called as a last ditch effort, had called the cabin and told Darren that we were lost so he and a friend went into Fremont looking for us. We it was cool because they got back a few minutes after we arrived and everything from there on was peachy. We went tubing, got a little beat up and everything but all in all it was a really good time and I am definitely glad that I went! Not to mention I met a few new people. It was really cool. So we left there and headed home about 9:30 or so and got back here at like 12. So this morning we both got up and went to church. It was really amazing. I decided that I actually let things go the way God wants them to and stop trying to make them the way I want them to be. That is the only way things are going to get done. So yeah church was awesome this morning...as usual! I just stopped by work a little bit ago and I think people are coming over after work. So we'll see how that goes!I dunno. Anywho, I think I"m going to go grab some lunch and just relax for a while! Until next time...Over and out!

I Don't Know Why I Feel Bad!

So for a brief moment, I felt really bad about a situation I had with Wes. I kind of felt like I had betrayed him by not saying anything to him about Daren. But to be completely honest, I'm not so sure that I really should. Because there is nothing between Wes and I. As much as he acts like he wants to be more than just friends, I don't think he does. And if he really does, he's wasted too much time trying to make his decision on what to do. So this is what I have to say about it all, This train has left the station. I am going to pursue this thing with Daren. I don't know if anything is going to happen but I think it really might be going somewhere and I don't want the situation with Wes to hold me back if it is. I mean seriously is it really that difficult to admit to someone that you like them? I just get so frustrated with the situation. At one moment everything is all good and peachy and the next I don't hear from him for weeks unless I call him like 5 times a day. That just gets old. I thought maybe by me moving into this new place things would change. I mean seriously there is more than enough opportunity for things to take shape where there isn't anyone against us. But I don't think I've talked to him for more than five minutes since I've been here, which by the way has almost been a week! Like I said before this is it, I'm done, El Finito. I'm really going to give it my best effort to stay away from Wes with an interest of being more than friends. I will definitely always be there for him because I love him to death and he is one of my closest guy friends. I may need to stay away for a while, but I want to do whatever it takes to make this the last time I say all this stuff.
On a good note however, someone finally took over my sublease. IT was just in the nick of time too. I sent in my rent check for them to only send it back to me. SO that is really awesome!!! I guess this all was God's will for me. ME going to SVSU and living here in Saginaw. It all worked out perfectly. I am so excited and I am loving the new place!!!! It has been so cool being out on my own. Maybe one day I'll invite you to come over! It's by invitation only unless your name starts with a D and ends with an aren, and then your welcome to come over at any time. Hahaha. But anyway I think that is all for now. I'll definitely have a lot to write about in the upcoming weeks, with living on my own and all!!!! How exciting! Anyway, until next time...over and out!!!!

God Works In Mysterious Ways

I think I got the best phone call I've gotten in a long time today! This girl that has been emailing me about my apartment called me today! It was really cool because she said she is 99% sure she is going to take it but she just wants to make sure everything is going to work out for her financial aid. Which is cool with me. But then we started talking about stuff and I found out that her dad just died from emphysema which is extremely weird because that is what my dad has. So it helped to talk to her about it, and what made it even better was that she was like it will be ok, you just need to keep praying about it! Then I found out that her and Jessica have the same major, which is really cool! That will be nice for the both of them. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everthing works out and she takes it! I can't wait to have that burden lifted. T minus two days till move in. Can't wait for that. I got out of work early so that I can get all moved in and stuff. I am so excited, I can't wait!!!!! I'm so anxious to get in and get everything settled in. It's going to be great! Beth said she called today and got everything put into our names so that we have the electricity and all that stuff ready. We aren't going to have a real phone because we don't really need one. WE each have a cell phone and thats fine with us. We might get cable but I'm not sure about that either. I guess we'll see whats up there. Wes has a derby tomorrow. I wish I could go, I guess I could but I really need to get the rest of my packing and organizing done before Sunday. Tomorrow night after work is my last opportunity to get everything together. I think I'm going to start loading some stuff into my car tonight so that I can get it out of the room and I'll have more space for other stuff. I'll be able to see what else I have left to pack instead of just looking at boxes. My room is a disaster area! I think I'm going to go for now. Until next time...Over and out!!!

I'm So Excited!!!!

I am so excited, only four more days until I get to move into my apartment.  My very own place!  I just really need to find someone to take my lease over in Lansing so that I am not paying rent for two different places.  I can't wait.....OOOO!!!!  I am anxious for school to get started.  I can't wait.  Everything is going so well for me right now.  I took my car in to get it looked at it because its been making this funny noise for a while now.  So I took it in and had the brakes inspected and they told me it was going to cost $180.00 to fix it.  Hopefully my uncle can fix it for cheaper.  Let's hope so, or I'll be really poor!  Went to youth group tonight, that was fun.  One of the girls on the praise team wrote this song, and it was amazing.  It was exactly what I needed to hear tonight.  Fit right into this empty place in my spirit!  So that was cool.  Things with church have been going well lately.  I haven't been in a long time and I didn't realize how much I missed it.  Sunday's service was amazing.  We had a guest speaker so to speak and she was AWESOME!  Anyway, thats always good.  So I've decided that I probably shouldn't write things on here that I don't really want other people to see.  I found out that this thing isn't so hard to find.  Someone close to me read it and it was someone that I always wish would read it, but now I'm not so sure that I do.  He read it and totally freaked out about what I had written about some other people.  Well let's just say that he reacted in a way that I never imagined.  I'm not upset about it really, I was at the time, but now I'm over it because it was my fault.  I guess I should have been more up front about things, I thought I had but I guess I was wrong.  So who knows. He claims he isn't going to read it anymore but I don't know about that.  And if he does, I bet he wont bring it up to me again!  We'll see what happens!  So I guess with that said, if you read this and you are the paring type, please pray that I find someone to take over my lease in Lansing.  There is no way that I can afford both places!  Until next time...Over and out!

I'm bored....you know what that means!  yup, survey time!
 
What time are you starting this? 11:00 pm
Name? Michelle Staten
Height? 5’4"
Eye color? blue
Weight? ...eh...we'll leave that blank for the time being
Location? St.charles
Where were you born? Kettering, OH 
Have you ever failed a grade? nope
Do you have crush on someone? kinda sorta...on more than one person 
What are you wearing right now? A&F pj pants and my "We Do It On A Grill" shirt from Mongolian barbecue! 
Would you have sex before marriage? uh.....yeah
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? Mr. Maloney, the student teacher in Math in 8th grade! 
Are you a virgin? nope
Do you smoke? used to
Do you drink? once in a while
Are you ghetto? um, no
Are you a player? no im a pimpette!
What are your favorite colors? orange
What is your favorite animal? Jodie!
Do you have any birthmarks? I did but i had it removed my senior year in high school
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked? if by your siblings coutns
Who is your best friend? Beth and Sarah
Have you ever beat someone up? I've tried! 
Who do you talk to most on the phone? BETH!
Have you ever been slapped? yes
Do you get online a lot? I’m always online
Are you shy or outgoing? Shy around new people, but if I know everyone, I’m pretty outgoing
Do you shower? Every day
Do you hate school? I like college better than high school!
Do you have a social life? Not so much anymore! 
How easily do you trust people? not very!
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? Maybe some people 
Would you ever sky dive? maybe
Do you like to dance? sure
Have you ever been out of state? oh yeah plenty of times
Do you like to travel? Love to!  can't wait until i can afford to go to really cool places!
Have you ever been expelled from school? nope
Have you ever been suspended from school? kinda!
Do you want to get out of your hometown? Who from St. Charles doesnt??
Are you spoiled? Not at all
Are you a brat? I can be!
Have you ever been dumped? probably
Have you ever gotten high? yeah
What's your favorite drink? Mt. Dew
Do you like Snapple? no
Do you drink a lot of water? SOmetimes
What toothpaste do you use? I dont'really know!
Do you have a cell phone or pager? yeah, i dont know why though
Do you have a curfew? Haha....not really my mom tries to tell me i do..but i dont go by it!
Who do you look up to? I guess I haven’t really thought of that
Are you a role model? I think i used to be...not so much anymore
What name brand do you wear the most? Saginaw County Parks Shirts!
What kind of jewelry do you wear? earrings, an occasional ring and my watch
What do you have pierced? ears
What do you want pierced? my nose 
Do you like taking pictures? I don't hate it..but i'm not a freak about it either
Do you like getting your picture taken? Not really
Do you have a tan? oh yeah for the first time in a  LONG time! 
Do you get annoyed easily? usually yes 
Have you ever started a rumor? oh yeah...
Do you have your own phone/phone line? not a land line 
Do you have your own pool? nope
Do you have any siblings? yea
Do you prefer boxers or briefs? i dont care whatever makes him comfortable 
Have you ever been played? yeah
Do you get along with your parents? For the most part
How do you vent your anger? i'm not rea sure...i vent to beth mostly
Have you ever ran away? when i was little
Have you ever been fired from a job? nope
Do you even have a job? I work for Saginaw COunty parks and recreation
Do you daydream a lot? At school I do
Do you have a lot of exes? there are a few skeletons in that closet
Do you run your mouth? on occasion 
What do you want a tattoo of? well besides the two i already have, i want one more of a four leaf clover that says get lucky! 
What are your favorite flowers? yellow roses but iw ould much prefer to get potatos....(it's a long story)
What does your ex bf/gf look like? i dont know when my last actual ex boyfriend would be
What does your most recent crush look like? hes short with blonde hair....has really blue eyes and has a little lisp..but its cute! 
Have you ever been bitched out? all the time
When was the last time you bitched someone out? last time if ought with my mom 
Are you rude? i'm sure i can be
What was the last compliment you received? i was told i had really great legs!
Are you flexible? used to be 
What is your heritage? who knows
What is your lucky number? 17
What does your hair look like right now? straight and back in a pony tail 
Could you ever be a vegetarian? Not on my life
When was your last real heartbreak? My life is a constant heartbreak
Describe your looks? Brown hair, blue eyes, about 5’4,” I don’t know.  If you’re reading this you know what I look like anyways
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color? Probably a lighter brown
Would you ever date someone younger than you? i've considered it
Would you ever date someone older than you? duh
When was the last time you were drunk? Valentines Day
When was the last time you went on a date? GOOD QUESTION! 
Have you ever had an eating disorder? yeah in 7th grade
Do you have one now? nope
How many rings until you answer the phone? depends on how far away i am..but never less than 2
have you ever been skinny dipping? no
If yes, when was the last time? ~
Do you look more like your mother or father? a little of both 
Do you cry a lot? More than I ever used to.
Do you ever cry to get your way? Maybe when I was little
If you had to amputate a limb, what would it be? probably a leg...because it would be easier to walk with a fake leg than pick stuff up with a fake arm?
What phrase do you use most when on the phone? yeah
Are you the romantic type? what girls isn't? 
Have you ever been chased by cops? well when i tried to get away from him to avoid getting a ticket...i didn't get one anyway!
What do you like most about your body? I have great legs!   
What do you like least about your body? my weight and my chest!
When was the last time you threw up? like a week ago in the shower 
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? it doesn't matter but ive dated mostly brunettes
What do the shoes you last wore look like? brown sandals
Is your best friend a virgin? YUP!
What color are your underwear right now? white
What theme does your room have? MESSY
What size shoe do you wear? 7-8
What jewelry are you wearing now? a pair of earrings
What is your screen name on AIM?meeshamsu
Would you pick a wedgie in public? i do it all the time...
How are you feeling right now? tired!!
When was the last time you were at a party? Valentines day 
Have you ever given a lap dance? no
What do you sleep in? depends on the day!
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you? Of course.  I went to school in st charles
What is one of your bad qualities? I over-analyze and think about things way too much. 
What is one of your good qualities? I'm a good listener and i pick up on things quickly
Would you marry for money? NOPE!
What do you drive? Chevy Corsica
Are you more of a mama or daddy's child? MOM
When was the last time you cried in school? I cred all the time at school well college anyway 
Do you wear Chucks? nope
For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy? no..you may have money but you'd have lost your dignity!

It's been a long time

OH how fun is this?  They have done so many new changes since I last updated!  I am so excited to be able to write in color!  Haha, oh how the small things amuse me!  Anyway, a lot has been going on with me lately, I've just been so busy I haven't had time to write about it.  I"ve had plenty of opportunities I suppose but just never decided it was the right time.  But tonight my friends it the perfect time to write about whats been going on in my life!  First of all I've been working like crazy!  NON stop is what it seems like but I get a day off here and there.  It's not bad when pay day comes around but the 14 days in between those good days are long and sometimes frustrating.  The summer is almost over though which to me means school is right around the corner and boy can I say that I am actually excited for school ot be starting up.  I think it's because it's a fresh start and I can't wait for it!  That's good I guess. I have to admit though I am getting a little burnt out on work.  I just want some time to myself not at work.  It seems like the only time I get to myself anymore is the time I spend at work and that is starting to seem like I'm being punished for something.  I did get a day off on Friday and I went to the Beach with Matt, Sarah, Andrew, Eli, and Stevie.  It was a good time.  I had fun relaxin in the sun and playing in the water. What a way to relax eh?!?!  Things on the boy front aren't going too well as usual.  I still am interested in my boss, no moves have been made in that area, but I guess there is still time, the summer isn't over yet!  I also am liking someone else at the current moment.  That I'm not to sure about.  I think I mistake this person's attitude as something that it isn't.  I think he is just really searching for a girlfriend and isn't going to stop until he finds one.  Things with him can be weird sometimes.  Wes, well thats a subject I don't really look forward to discussing, and I don't think any amount of discussion will ever help me understand whats going on with him.  So I just sweep it aside.  Thats where I'm at right now.  I was planning on living on campus this fall but my plans have recently changed.  I think Beth and I are going to get an apartment in Saginaw somewhere.  We are going to go and look at them on Tuesday and hope that we can figure something out.  I don't really have any extra money at the current moment, but I'll figure something out!  Which brings me to the fact that I still have yet to get someone to sublease my apartment.  I really am hoping that I'll find someone soon because rent is due at the first of the month and I can't really afford to pay it right now.  So I'm crossing my fingers that something will work out soon!  I've had a few interested people but none that seriously wanted it!  So we'll see!!!  I think thats all for now, I'm kind of tired and would like to get to bed.  I do have to work in the morning!   Until next time....over and out!

My life is crazy. But hey what else is new? For real, the only thing for once that is actually going well is work and school. I shouldn't say that those are the only things that are going well because right now my life is fairly simple. Take away the male aspect of it all and its all just fine. BUt honestly when isn't my life like that? Im stuck. I dont' know what I want to do and its frustrating me. I'm on the verge of something what I'm not sure. I'm really unsure about the whole Wes situation as usual. It seems like as soon as things take one small step forward, tbey take five giant steps back. Seriously I hung out with him this weekend, and at first things were normal...him ignoring me, acting like I wasn't around, and then they were good. He was nice and the wes that I like and then when I was leaving he gave me a hug and pretty much shoved me out the door! I hung out with his buddy Matt Norton on Sunday and we talked about a lot of things. I'm still not really sure how I feel but at the same time Matt shed some light on a few things. So we'll see I guess! Things with Daren I think are slowly progressing into something. Maybe it's just me jumping the gun but I don't know. We were talking on the phone today and he told me he had to know when I was going out on a date because he was concerned. When I asked him what he was concerned about, he told me he had to go. It's weird. Then he told me he was going to marry someone else. It's a joke from work that I dont' really want to go to far into detail with but I'll say htis much. One of the lifeguards told us that we should just go ahead and get married because we already fight like an old married couple. SO we've been planning this "wedding" but all of a sudden he's telling everyone that I called it off, or that I turned him down. IT's funny...keeps work interesting. Thats all for now. I want school to start now...so I"m not so bored all the time! Until next time..over and out!

Tired!

At the current moment I am at the church at 2:34 in the morning and it seems really weird. I am helping to chaperone an all girls lock-in for the youth group. SO far it's not bad but I am really super tired. I've been up for a really long time and I have to work at 9 in the morning. Well in like 7 hours. Yuck!!! God has been doing some really amazing things in my life lately, and I can not express how great it feels to finally have finally found the one piece that has been missing to my puzzle. For so long I searched and searched for something to fill this weird void that I had always had, and then one day it was just gone, and I realized that finally I understand that I can not fix anything on my own. ONly through God's help can I be the person i want to be and have the things I need to get by in this life. So far he has provided me with everything I need and the only thing left that I am waiting for is a loving Husband who is just as devoted to Christ as I am and will love me for who I am. My faults and blemishes included! Sometimes I wonder if he isn't already in my life and I just don't see him as my "future husband," but instead as just a friend. Maybe he's someone I've loved before and hasn't reciprocated the feelings back. Who knows who it is, all I know is that I want him to come to me soon because I am ready to move on with the rest of my life! On a good note, not that any of this has been bad, some of the girls in the youth group aren't as bad as I had one portrayed them to be. One in particular is super super cool and very glad that she just so happened to choose to be in my small group. I am very excited about that. We'll see how the discussion goes in our small group meeting in a little bit. I think I should probably end this now and get back down to the happenings in the family life center! Until next time...Over and out!

LIfe is Good!

Even on day's like today its hard not to be thankful to be alive! This morning has been such an off day for me. I had to work this morning and so I had to be up at 7 so that I would have ample time to get ready and to get to work on time. So I got to work with like 20 minutes to spare. (The traffic at 8 and 9 a.m. is way different!!) Well needless to say, Daren wasn't there as usual. So I decided to sit and wait for him before I punched in ebcause I wasn't sure if I was really supposed to be there at 9. So, I waited until 9:30 when the jerk finally shows up. First he says, "Good Morning Sunshine!" He has this particually bad habit of calling me Sunshine which I'm not really all that fond of, but thats another story in itself! Anyway, he then tells me that I can't work today. I was like what? Well I had switched weekends with another guy and Ok'ed it with Daren first, come to find out it wasn't ok after all. I'm not allowed and since I'm such a permanent figure around there during the week, today would have made 6 days this week. Forget letting me work today and just finding someone to work for me next Saturday....no that would be toooo Difficult for Daren. That would require him to actually have to do work! Anyway after telling me to "go get holy" he then proceeds to yell at me for changing the schedule when people do it all the time. By then I was so angry with him for not telling me yesterday that I couldn't work with him I just threw everything on the desk and walked out. On my way out the back door he says "see Ya later Michelle." I wanted to say you know what screw you, I do nothing but bend over backwards for this stpid job and you can't even have the decency to tell me this yesterday. I was furious with him. Well I went to church instead and it was great. i was so glad once I got there that I couldn't work today. It made everything better for those two hours. BUt then I went out to dinner with my second family and everything got messed up with my order. I didn't end up getting my food until everyone else was done eating. But I kept a calm head about it and sat there with a smile on my face. IM learning to roll with the punches very well. Well I got a free dinner and that made me happy, so Beth and I were leaivng and I reached into my purse to get out my keys and a bottle of lotion had spilled all over the inside of my purse. GRRRRR!!!!!!! Couldn't anything go right today!?!?! Oh well I came home and took a nap and that made me happy! SO that was my day in a nutshell! I think thats good enough for now! Until next time...over and out!

Does it really get any better than this?

Alright I know I haven't been the greatest in updating lately. But I've been a very very busy girl. My two part time jobs turned themselves into one full time job and I've been working 45-50 hours a week since the last week in May. I'm not going to complain though because quite frankly, I enjoy the money. The even scarier part is that I spend my days off at work as well. Not the entire day but an hour or so. It just doesn't feel right not being there. Ya know what I mean?!? Not to mention a lot of the time I go in to see him. I know he will be there, especially lately, and I like it. I think he does to. I haven't really decided where things are heading with that situation. Things have evolved a little bit and I like where they are going. But in the same aspect I kind of have to pretend that I don't really look at him in that light. When I'm at work I act like he drives me up the wall, which he does, but not in a bad way I suppose. He's cute. He's started drinking out of my stuff and eating my food. I don't know. Today I even gave him what was left of my smoothie and he drank it. I think we would be cute together. We already fight like we are married. At least thats what everyone at work says. They think its cute, but yet neither one of us has admitted anything. I think the way we act gives it away. I claim to want to kill him all the time, but I know people see right through it. Oh well...what ya gonna do? Life has been going really well for me lately. I finally got admitted into SVSU. So I guess its pretty official that I will be a Cardinal in the fall, now the only tough part is finding a place to live. I'm hoping that there will be a single somewhere that I can live in and I won't have to live with people I don't know. Either a single in the Living Center or the village would be fine, at this point I don't really care. Maybe if things take off with him this summer or at the end of the summer, I'll just spend the majority of my time at his house. He doesn't live that far from campus and he does live by himself. So who knows. I finally know what it feels like to be happy....it feels good! I like it. I have needed this for so long, and I don't think it could have come at a better time. YAY for Happiness! I have to work tomorrow and I am really bummed because that means that I have to miss Church, but I have the next two Sunday's off. Not to mention I finally got the entire fourth of July weekend off. I had to do quite a bit of begging but I worked my magic and got it off like I had wanted. Who's up for a weekend at the Lake?!?!?! I'm going even if I do have to go by myself? Considering none of my friends want to go or have plans already. Boo to them! This is why I need a boyfriend who would like to go up north. If it was him though he would have to work anyway! Boo!!! I think thats all for now. All I have to say is GOD IS GOOD! He is always faithful and he will definitely show you the right path to take in your life if you just ask! I'm proof of that! Until next time...Over and out!

Life is Good!

Let's see...things have been going really well for me lately. It seems like all the really important things that have been causing me stress have worked themselves out, and I feel really good about it! I think school is taken care of, I've made up my mind on what I want to do, and I've already taken the proper steps to get to where I want to be. The only thing that I need worry about now is the apartment situation. I'm not worried, if God has gotten me this far, I have faith that he will fix that too. So I just need to leave everything in his hands, and be thankful for what he does for me! Anyway, now that I've been in such a good mood lately, let me explain why. My job is great. Seriously, I love the people I work with, they are all really cool, and super super nice. So that is going well, I need to figure out what's going on with the job in Lansing, I haven't been there in like 2 weeks, and I feel really bad about it, but what can I do, really??? This job is closer, it pays almost the same and I'm getting a lot more hours. THey are cutting back on my hours though. Daren informed me yesterday that I take all the hours, even though he makes the schedule, and gave me today off. I was orginally scheduled to work today but I got the day off and hung out with Matt Ayotte, and Beth. IT was cool. For the time being I have weekends off, and I still am putting in like close to 40 hours a week. I'm excited for those pay checks. Another thing that has me excited lately, is a guy. I know it sounds silly, but it's really weird. Like at first it was just a little crush...one of the kind where you like a person you can't really have. But maybe it's not really like that? I'm not sure. We've been flirting with each other every time we work together...and at first I thought it was just sort of a playful thing that happened to make the day enjoyable...ya know? But today we went out to Haithco, me, Beth, and Matt, and I went up and was talking to Daren and Beth and Matt both agreed that there was some tension there....and that were definitely flirting with each other. They confirmed that it wasn't totally one sided. Who knows, maybe there is something behind it. We'll see I suppose, only time will tell. I think the main thing at this point that bring frustration and confusion to my life is my Wes situation. I thought maybe it was over, but last night I made a huge lapse in judgement. I went to Bay City and hung out with him and some of his friends. I think it was a mistake to have done that. I just couldn't tell him no...it's weird, he has his strange control over me and I have a really hard time telling him no. We ended up making out, and I guess maybe I just miss having someone to kiss. That will get me every time, and it's not like I saw him and started making out with him....I tried to resist for so long, and then finally I just had to give in. Sometimes I don't get him. Then on the way home I freaking got pulled over. The cop thought I had been drinking but in reality it was 3:30 in the morning and i had been up since 8:00. I was TIRED. Anyway, the jerk flashed his flashlight in my eyes like 3 times, and then asked me if I thought I could pass a field sobriety test, and when I told him yes, he went back to his car, and I was so afraid he was going to make me do one. THankfully when he came back he just handed me my license and let me go. That would have sucked. Today was great, spent time with friends...so relaxing. Saw him, it was wonderful. His eyes make me smile, and as much as he makes fun of me, I can't help but like him more! OH I want this to work out. I think thats all for now, I need to finish cleaning up this room and then get to bed. Until next time...Over and out!

OH MY GOSH!!

Oh wow, I got my work schedule through June 5, and I work every day except this Sunday and Monday. I was so excited to see that I worked so so much. I mean think of all the money I'm going to be making! I can't wait, my job is going to be great. YAY! Today we had like a training session thing and it was kind of awkward because there were only three of us in there and I'm the only white person that was there, not that that is bad, because both of the other people I work with are really nice. But I think Darren has issues with it. Darren is our assitant director and he is pretty much in charge of everything. Well anyway, the three of us, Darren, and Darwin were all sitting in the office at Haithco, and Darren was telling us about everything, and it seemed like he was only making eye contact with me. After a while it got really intense, and I'm not one to look away from someone when they are trying to make eye contact, I just look right back at them, not this time. I had to keep looking away, like it was almost making me uncomfortable. I would look out the window, look down at my feet, pretend to have something on my shirt, pick at the skin on my fingers, and everytime I would look back up, he would be looking at me again. Then I just found it funny. I had to try so hard to suppress a smile. He is pretty freaking cute, and I think that has something to do with the fact that I have a hard time keeping eye contact. Not to mention he has the most amazing blue eyes. They are the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen in my life. I think if he and I are ever alone, well not alone but don't have other employees around, I'm going to ask him if he wears contacts...haha, I'm such a loser! But I really want to know if he has real blue eyes or if they are fake! But anyway, after work I went to the church for youth group. That cool. I missed praise and worship which bums me out but thats ok. Steven from cell group gave the message tonight and it was a pretty good one. But anyway, Andrew plays in the youth praise and worship team, and he sings too, and not that it surprises me but he has a really good voice! SO that was cool, then on the way out the door I got attacked by the young'ns. They were throwing ink pens at me, which isn't very pleasant! Then Andrew burped hot dog breath on me....yuck! Oh the love, feel the LOVE!!! But anywho, enough of my crazy ramblings of the day. OH and in case anyone cares, IM ON SUMMER VACATION, MY DAD NEEDS TO REALIZE I DON'T NEED TO BE UP AT 9:00 EVERY MORNING....LET ME SLEEP IN!!!!!! on that note, Until next time...Over and Out!

LONG Weekend!!

I just found out today that I am going to have a super long weekend! YAY for long weekends! Haha, well not really a long weekend because well I have to work for Saginaw County but you get the gist of it all. I have tomorrow off, don't work here on Thursday or Friday and I have Monday off as well! Hahaha, so that means I won't have to be back to Lansing until Tuesday! Thank God for that! I am definitely getting sick of driving back and forth to Lansing, its starting to wear on me. Plus I had to walk a mile this morning in the rain just to get from my car to work, and they are doing all kinds of construction around our building so I had to take a bunch of detours. It was sucky! I wonder if Darren is going to be at our meeting tomorrow at Haithco? Hopefully, I think I'm going to like him better than Darwin, but I won't get be working with him as much I don't think. We'll see. Darwin tries to hard to be cool and funny but then when he's in charge he gets all pissy and stuff. It's kind of annoying. We'll see how things go. I might work with Terry a little bit though, he seems like a good guy. He's one of the park rangers, but I'm not sure which park he got assigned to yet! So we will definitely see how that goes. I don't think I would mind working with him. He and Darren are the only two semi-decent looking guys that work there. So we'll see how that goes. I think I was right in what I said last night, I think I've really made Wes mad. He hasn't said anything to me since yesterday afternoon when we were text-messaging each other. Who knows. Or maybe he is just taking what I said as I don't want to talk to him. Who really knows with him, it's hard to say! I talked to Andew a little bit about it last night, because he really doesn't have any connection to the situation and hes a guy, so I thought he might have some kind of insight to it. He said a few things that made some sense. One of which I know is true, but don't really want to admit. So I think I might call Wes later just to see what's going on and to make sure he isn't mad at me. I think that's the worsrt part of this whole thing is thinking that he might be mad at me, I don't really care that he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend so much anymore but I hate when people are mad at me. I think I might go to His House tonight since I don't have to work tomorrow and there is really no point in staying at my grandparents tonight. So yeah, I'm gonna go! YAY! It will be the first time since like last summer I think! I'm excited! Anyway, I'm outtie! Until next time..Over and out! Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to guard my heart. Well, I hardly feel anything at all. I've spent my whole life buildin' up this ivory tower. Now that I'm in it, I keep wishin' it would fall. So I can feel the ground beneath me, really taste this air I'm breathin', And know that I'm alive. I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,An' shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'. Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin', Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'. Fly like a bird, roll like a stone, Love like I ain't afraid to be alone. Take everything that this world has to give: I wanna live. ~I Wanna Live~ Josh Gracin

Oh What A Day!

Today was a weird day. I was supposed to be up by 7 this morning so that I could get into Saginaw to get my TB test done, and then head to Delta early enough so that I could still get to Lansing at a decent hour to get some work done. Well needless to say that didn't happen! I had set my alarm for 7 and when it went off, I got up and unplugged it. Don't ask me why I did that...I have no clue, but I did. After I unplugged it, I went back to sleep....well my mom came in and woke me up at 9, already an hour behind my original plan. Anyway I got up and around and headed into Saginaw. I didn't get a very good nights sleep because I didn't go to bed until like 12:30-1:00 and then at 3:30ish I got a text message saying that Wes had recieved the one I sent him. Then at like 4:45 I got another message from Wes, asking me about the one I had sent him the night before. So that woke me up and then I layed there thinking about what I had done and couldn't get back to sleep. Anyway, I got to Saginaw to get my TB test done and the lady who did it decided to not go far enough under the skin and the stupid thing bled for like 20 minutes when finally I had to put a band-aid on it. Thankfully I had some in my purse. Then I got out to Delta got my testing done and the lady told me I was going to have to wait until July 1st to do my orientation when the lady I talked to on the phone said I could do it the same day. I was so so angry, but by this time I was so tired of going out to Delta and dealing with the people, I just said forget it and left. WEll it was like 11:45 when I got done so I called Beth and went to hang out with her at the Church for a while. I stopped and got us some lunch and then I hung out with her until like 2. I text messaged Wes a couple of times, and now I think I've made him kind of mad, he hasn't replied to like the last 3 of my messages and I don't think he has any intention of doing so. I think I should have just kept my mouth shut on the whole subject. I couldn't do it though. I wanted to get as much information out of him as I could but that process didn't work very well either! So needless to say I'm farther behind than I was this morning. I'm so stupid some times. That's ok, God is going to get rid of all of my confusion and help to see what is best for me. That is what I need right now in my life and that's all I'm looking for, what's best for me! I'm not sure why, But I love wes, I do. It's not one of those situations where I think I like someone, I know I like him, and I like him a lot! All of his faults and everything, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't even feel remotely close to the same as I do. I guess there is something about me that is so repulsive he can't like me that way. He can't act like he does, but for some strange reason he only wants to be friends but act like more. I mean isn't it strange for a guy who doesnt like someone to encourgae their liking them? I think so, most guys just aren't like that! If they don't want you to like them, they let you know. Wes just encourages it! It's beyond me. God will let me know what is right, and thats all I can hope for! I think thats about all for now...Until next time...Over and Out! See it's burning me to hold onto this I know this is something I gotta do but that don't mean I want to. What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just I feel like this is coming to an end. And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you, I gotta let it burn. Really wanna work this out but I don't think ya gonna change ya I do but you don't think it's best we go our separate ways. Tell me why I should stay in this relationship when I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby. Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with. ~Burn~ Usher