Nothing you can't handle...

You know that saying "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle"? I often wonder if that is true! I am constantly doubting and wondering if maybe, just maybe this one time he slipped up and gave me something that was a little bit over my head! I hate saying that, but I am so doubtful of being a mom, let alone one doing it all on her own. I've been thinking a lot lately about the situation that Maddox and I are in. I have a lot of decisions to make regarding our future and I'm standing at a cross roads.

I have so much love in my heart for this little boy, I'm not sure he'll ever realize! But truthfully, it hasn't always been that way. I think back to the days when I first found out I was pregnant with Maddox. I was horrified and scared, couldn’t imagine myself with a baby. I didn’t WANT a baby. I didn’t want to be a single mother. I didn’t want to be connected to Daddy for the rest of my life. My life was great the way it was! I would close my eyes and secretly wish that life would restart and I would wake up not pregnant. I would wake up and no longer have a baby. That I could just have my old life back.
 Now I can’t imagine my life without him and I don’t want a life without him! He makes me smile. He makes me excited for my future. I thank God every single day that I have him. I have finally found what it feels like to know true love!

But I find myself wondering is all this love enough? Can one person provide enough love or two? Everything would be a lot easier for me right now if I wasn't developing feelings of resentment. I hate wondering how I'm going to manage the rest of my life being connected to this man who promised me things he could never follow through on? How am I ever gonna stand the feeling of breaking my child’s heart when he asks me “Where is my daddy?” and I have to explain to him that his daddy does not want him? I suffered through my pregnancy alone but am I going to be capable of doing it alone for the rest of my life??? Can I handle being a single mother giving up my free life, while his ass gets off scotch free? It’s not fair. But like I've heard before, "the only fare I know is what you pay to ride the bus".

I know, deep down inside God's got our back on this one. But having some help would be nice too!