Hmm...As I sit here staring at the computer screen with about a million thoughts running through my head, hmm, is about all I can think to write. I'm not even sure where to begin. Honestly, there are so many things that have been bothering me lately and it sucks to have them all hit me at once. I guess the first place to start would be with school. It sucks and everyone knows that. But for me lately, it seems like school has gotten extra frustrating and hard. im not really sure if its so much that its hard or if its that I dont really care very much. I don't try to apply myself, and therefore, I fall behind and get lost. I know I can do it if I put my mind to it, but I just don't feel like doing it! Something changed. School isn't what I want to be doing. I don't want to be here anymore, and really there isn't anything I do about that either. If I quit school, id 1) never hear the end of it from my family and 2) id be a bum for the rest of my life, and there is no way I'm going to end up a nothing like most of the other people in my family. I am going to be the first damn person in my family to go to and graduate from college! No way am I getting out of it that easily. I just need to refocus my life on what is really truly important and get shit done. That's really all there is to the matter! So now that I got all that out, I could move onto the next subject. WES! That boy has done something to be I can't even begin to explain. I'm not really sure what it is, but its something I can't shake! Just when I think I'm over him and I'm ready to move on, he calls me or I get a chance to talk to him, and all those feelings come flying back into the picture. I mean its not like we ended on bad terms. We just decided that things would be better just as friends especially with me going away to school, and I honestly think it was to save him from being afraid that I would find someone else and he would be left alone. I'm not sure that would happen. For some odd reason, I LOVE him. I honestly truly love Wes. He's the first person I've ever felt so comfortable and happy with since I was with josh in high school. That's been a long time ago. Wes really is a great guy and all my friends love him, and all his friends and family love me. Sometimes I wonder why we aren't together and it really begins to frustrate me. This past week, my phone was off all week charging and he called and left me two voicemails saying he couldn't' get ahold of me and wanting to know where I was! It was cute just to see that he was worried about me! Even though if I were to ask him if he missed me, he would tell me he didn't, but I know deep down inside he does miss me! Sometimes I even think he misses me more than I miss him! But That's a whole new story. But now that I got my true feelings out, I can move onto a new subject. I haven't talked to Brandon or Steve-o in what seems like forever. I think its been almost a week. I don't know what's up with Brandon, he usually gets online or at least calls me. But not lately, he's just been kind of ignoring me. And Steve-o, only God knows what's gotten into him. He used to want to talk to me as much I wanted to talk him, and now he just seems uninterested. So I don't really know what's going on there. Maybe we wont go down there for spring break, not if these guys are acting like this. Its stupid! But who knows. I guess SVSU is doing really well, and if they make it into the championship game they are going to Alabama, and Beth wants me to go with her and the girls. If I did go that would be awesome, but I'm not sure id want to, and I'm not sure where it would be. The only reason I would go would be to see Brandon and all of them. But it might not even be close to where they live. So I guess we'll see. I doubt ill actually go because Beth said its in 3 weeks which lands me in finals week! No way could I go during finals week. That week is the what either makes or break this semester! I really wish I could find a reset button for the whole thing, start it all over again and take things seriously. I want to do good, I really do but sometimes I just can't find the motivation to do it! I am going to work my ass of next semester to get good grades and not fail out. There is no way I'm going to be on academic probation again like I was last year. That was SHITTY. Especially if I ever plan on getting into medical school. There's no way its going to happen if I I'm on probation again! GRRR....But I think I've vented enough for now. I'm gonna go to bed. This is the first time I've been up this late in a while. lol. Until the next time..........